Unlimited Fun

P'njaab Airways : IN-FLIGHT ANNOUNCEMENT Gud marning, Ladies and Gen'lemen. P'rajee aur Behnjee. Sat Sri Akal. On behalf of Captaan Balbir Singh 'Bobby', this is your Flight Supervisor Banta Singh "Bunty" welcoming to you on the P'njaab Airways flight no. 9211 (Nau Do Gyaraah) to Ludhiana. We apalogize for the two-day delay in taking off, b'cause the sun was not shining brightly in the fog. And we are knowing the sun does not shine in the night. Landing in Ludhiana is not dafinite, but with good luck we can be landing d'rectly in your v'llage. P'njaab Airways has exc'llant record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the fully trained tarrists and hijackers are afraid to fly with us. I am pleased to 'nounce that starting this year over 90% of our p'ssaingers have reached to their dest'nation. For the rest 10%, the P'njaab Airways staff has lots of experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our...

Lesson 1: A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings. The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs. When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor. Before she says a word, Bob says, "I'll give you $800 to drop that towel, " After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob After a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves. The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs. When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, "Who was that?" "It was Bob the next door neighbor," she replies. "Great," the husband says, "did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?" Moral of the story If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time,you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure. Lesson 2: A priest offered a Nun a lift. She got in and crossed h...

Subh ka har pal Zindagi de aapko, Din ka har Lamha Khushi de aapko, Jahan gum ki hawa chu ke bhi na gujare, Khuda woh Jannat si Zamin de Aapko. Guds Mrng ...................................... You r my sweet SONA, I don't want u KHONA, I want a place in your heart's KONA, Otherwise i will start RONA, Atleast Good Morning to kar LONA ...................................... Suraj ki pahli kiran Khushi de apko, Dusri kiran hasi de Tisri tandurasti Chouthi kamyabi Bas kafi ho gaya. Ab garmi lagegi?!! ..Gud mrng ...................................... Morning is God's way of saying: "One more time! Live life. Make a difference. Touch 1 heart. Encourage 1 mind. Inspire 1 soul..." Gud Morg... ......................................

Universal law of Love: " Love can neither be created nor be destroyed; only it can transfer from One girlfriend to another girlfriend with some loss of money " First law of Love: " a boy in love with a girl, continue to be in love with her and a girl in love with a boy, continue to be in love with him, until or unless any external agent(brother or father of the gal) comes into play and break the legs of the boy. " Second law of Love: " the rate of change of intensity of love of a girl towards a boy is directly proportional to the instantaneous bank balance of the boy and the direction of this love is same to as increment or decrement of the bank balance. " Third law of Love: " the force applied while proposing a girl by a boy is equal and opposite to the force applied by the girl while slapping."

Son: "Daddy, may I ask you a question" Daddy: "Yeah sure, what it is?" Son: "Dad, how much do you make an hour" Daddy: "That's none of your business. Why do you ask such a thing?" Son: "I just want to know. Please tell me, how much do you make an hour?" Daddy: "I make Rs. 500 an hour" "Oh", the little boy replied, with his head down. Looking up, he said, "Dad, may I please borrow Rs. 300?" The father was furious,"if the only reason you asked that is so you can borrow some money to buy a silly toy or other nonsense, then march yourself to your room and go to bed. Think why you are being so selfish. I work hard everyday for such this childish behavior" The little boy quietly went to his room and shut the door. The man sat down and started to get even angrier about the little boy's questions. How dare he ask such questions only to get some money? After about an hour or so, the man had calmed ...

School: A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays. Life Insurance: A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich. Nurse: A person who works up to give you sleeping pills. Love Affairs: Something like the game of Cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test match. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters. Divorce: Future tense of Marriage. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either" Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Dictionary: A place where success comes before work. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and e...

in order to get a joba man rerequires 100% talent... where as a female requires only 4% talent.. remainig is .. \3/\6/ )24( (3|6) ................................................. On the first night of honeymoon the wife crazyhusband says"My sweet darlingI am going to take you to moon tonight." The impatient wife says"Surebut first at least let's see the rocket to get there." ................................................. Sex is like Pizza When its hot ym.. it's VERY GOOD. But then when it's cold its still goo....d. ................................................. The saddest part of a Man's body is his Balls. The Lord Almighty sentenced them to : Hang Till Death ! .................................................

Once up on a time there was a small town in a beautiful country called India. In that town there were these two kids named AN and AS. Both were known in their community for their intelligence and good Behaviour. But there is a dark secret. Both had a peculiar and weird problem, one among them (AN) used to mingle with all other members of the community but still would feel "Alone in my own world". The other (AS) almost lived in his own world and always think about things that are not happening in his life. These two felt it is biggest problem anyone can have in this world. One day both these met in school and discussed their problems and felt its time for them to find the solution. They heard their friends discussing about a fairy in near by jungle who is kind to people and fulfils the wishes of good people. Once their exams were over they went to jungle to look for the fairy. After roaming around for a few hours they found fairy. Fairy had a look at these boys and asked them ...

Read and enjoy .... 6 weeks , 6 months, 6 years . . . Dating process: 6 weeks : I love U, I love U, I love U. 6 months : Of course I love U. 6 years : GOD, if I didn't love U, then why the hell did I propose? Back from Work: 6 weeks : Honey, I'm home. 6 months : BACK!! 6 years : What did your mom cook for us today?? Gifts: 6 weeks : Honey, I really hope you liked the ring. 6 months : I bought you a painting; it would fit the motif in the living room. 6 years : Here's the money. Buy yourself something. Phone Ringing: 6 weeks : Baby, somebody wants you on the phone. 6 months : Here, for you. 6 years : PHONE RINGING. Cooking: 6 weeks : I never knew food could taste so good! 6 months : What are we having for dinner tonight? 6 years : AGAIN!!!! Apology: 6 weeks : Honey muffin, don't you worry, Ill never hold this against you. 6 months : Watch out! Don't do it again. 6 years : What's not to understand about what I just said?? New Dress: 6 weeks : Oh my God, you look l...

Ishq sabhiko jina sikha deta hai, Wafa ke naam par marna sikha deta hai. Ishq nahi kiya to karke dekho, Jalim har dard sehna sikha deta hai ................................................... Pathar pani main na pheko Usse koi aur bi pita hai, Zindagi jeeni hai to has kar jiyo Tume dekh kar koi aur bi jeeta hai ................................................... Dil Ki Aawaj Ko Izhar Kahate Hai, Jhuki Nigaho Ko Ekrar Kahte Hai, Sirf ''Jatane'' Ka Nam Ishq Nahi, Kisi Ki Yaado Me Jeene Ko Bhi Pyar Kahate Hai. ................................................... Yaadon ka ye silsila banaya rakhna, Dost kaha hai to dosti banaye rakhna, Jaan to nahi magenge aapse, Gujarish hai jaan pehechan banaye rakhna. ...................................................

Jenny was a bright-eyed, pretty five-year-old girl. One day when she and her mother were checking out at the grocery store, Jenny saw a plastic pearl necklace priced at $2.50. How she wanted that necklace and when she asked her mother if she would buy it for her, her mother said, "Well, it is a pretty necklace, but it costs an awful lot of money. I'll tell you what. I'll buy you the necklace, and when we get home we can make up a list of chores that you can do to pay for the necklace. And don't forget that for your birthday Grandma just might give you a whole dollar bill, too. Okay?" Jenny agreed, and her mother bought the pearl necklace for her. Jenny worked on her chores very hard every day, and sure enough, her Grandma gave her a brand new dollar bill for her birthday. Soon Jenny had paid off the pearls. How Jenny loved those pearls. She wore them everywhere to kindergarten, bed, and when she went out with her mother to run errands. The only time she didn't...

She told me we couldn't afford beer anymore and I'd have to quit. Then one fine day I caught her spending 65$ on makeup. And I asked how come I had to give up stuff and she didn't. She said she needed the makeup to look pretty for me. I told her that was what the beer was for. I don't think shes coming back.

If ever in your life U R very sad & lonely & feel that U have lost every thing, I will come, Hold your hand, Take U 4 Walk on a Bridge & Show U where 2 jump From ...................................................... Just close ur eyes and think of urself for 10 seconds … Open ur eyes! Now you will realize that u have wasted 10 secs in thinking of a fool ...................................................... When are you going to marry me? I can't live without you. I love you dear, marry me within this month otherwise i will die. See, how Aishwarya Rai messaged me! Silly girl.. ...................................................... A gift to girl friend that half comes backs to you? ? ? Think ? ? ? ? LIPSTICK ......................................................

There was a millionaire who was bothered by severe eye pain. He consulted so many physicians and was getting his treatment done. He did not stop consulting galaxy of medical experts; he consumed heavy loads of drugs and underwent hundreds of injections. But the ache persisted with great vigour than before. At last a monk who has supposed to be an expert in treating such patients was called for by the millionaire. The monk understood his problem and said that for sometime he should concentrate only on green colours and not to fall his eyes on any other colours. The millionaire got together a group of painters and purchased barrels of green color and directed that every object his eye was likely to fall to be painted in green colour just as the monk had directed. ...

I always thought loving someone is the greatest feeling, But I realized that loving a friend is even better. We lose people we love, but v never lose true friends. ...................................... Thank you for touching my life in ways u may never know. My riches do not lie in material wealth but in having friends like u - A precious gift from God! ...................................... Do u ever recall the first day we met? R first hello? The day we became friends? Well, I do and I will always remember. For that very day, I knew I'd cherish u. ...................................... 50 years from now, I'd be so old I might forget u. I might not remember ever knowing u, or might forget I once cared for u. I might.. But I won't. ......................................

An old man lived alone in Minnesota. He wanted to spade his potato garden, but it was very hard work. His only son, who would have helped him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and mentioned his situation. Dear Son, I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I hate to miss doing the garden, because your mother always loved planting time. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot.If you were here, all my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me, if you weren't in prison. Love, Dad Shortly, the old man received this telegram: "For Heaven's sake, Dad,don't dig up the garden!! That's where I buried the GUNS!" At 4a.m. The next morning, A dozen FBI agents and local police officers showed up and dug up the entire garden without finding any guns. Confused, the old man wrote another no...

Tum har raat mere khwabon mein aao, Tum har raat mujhe yuunhi satao, . . . Melody khao khud jaan jao........ ............................ Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain Aaj aasmaan mein taare aise chamak rahe hain.... . . . JAISE KAL CHAMAK RAHE THE !!! ............................ College ki gali me ajeeb khel hota hai, Classke bahane diloka mel hota hai, Notes ki jagah love mail hota hai, Isliye to pappu har sal fail hota Hai.. ............................ 1 bar exam me question tha.`challenge kise kahte hai? Sardar ne sare page chhodkar last page par likha: Apne bap ki aulad hai to paas kar ke dikha. ............................

Jack and Max are walking from religious service. Jack wonders whether it would be all right to smoke while praying. Max replies, "Why don't you ask the Priest?" So Jack goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I smoke while I pray?" The Priest replies, "No, my son, you may not! That's utter disrespect to our religion." Jack goes back to his friend and tells him what the good Priest told him. Max says, "I'm not surprised. You asked the wrong question. Let me try." And so Max goes up to the Priest and asks, "Father, may I pray while I smoke?" To which the Priest eagerly replies, "By all means, my son. By all means. You can always pray whenever you want to." Moral of the story is... The reply you get depends on the question you ask. For example, if you want a vacation when still working on a project don't ask for the holiday; Ask: "Can I keep working on this project while I'm on vacation?...

1. If they want to loan you money, tell them you just filed for bankruptcy and you could sure use some money. Ask, "How long can I keep it? Do I have to ever pay it back, or is it like the other money I borrowed before my bankruptcy?" 2. If you get one of those pushy people who won't shut up, just listen to their sales pitch. When they try to close the sale, tell them that you'll need to go get your credit card. Then, just set the phone down and go do laundry, shopping or whatever. See how long that commission based scum waits for you to get your credit card. 3. If they start out with, "How are you today?" say, "Why do you want to know?" Or you can say, "I'm so glad you asked, because no one seems to care these days and I have all these problems, my sciatica is acting up, my eyelashes are sore, my dog just died...." When they try to get back to the sales process, just continue on with telling about your problems. 4. If the person says...

D- Dear A- Always R- Remember L- Love I- Is N- Not G- Game ......................................................... Wot letters r missin in H__RT? EA or U? Pick EA & u get a heart! If u pick U, U will get hurt! I'd pick U coz it's better to get hurt than have a heart without U! ......................................................... 1000 words 1 cud say. 1000 wishes 1 cud pray. 1000 miles legs cud walk. 1000 sounds a mouth cud talk. 1000 times ill b true. 1000 ways 2 say i luv u! ......................................................... 8 letters, 3 words, 1 meaning... I love you .........................................................

One day, a poor boy who was selling goods from door to door to pay his way through school, found he had only one thin dime left, and he was hungry. He decided he would ask for a meal at the next house. However, he lost his nerve when a lovely young woman opened the door. Instead of a meal he asked for a drink of water. She thought he looked hungry so brought him a large glass of milk. He drank it slowly, and then asked, "How much do I owe you?" "You don't owe me anything," she replied "Mother has taught us never to accept payment for a kindness." He said... "Then I thank you from my heart." As Howard Kelly left that house, he not only felt; stronger physically, but his faith in God and man was strong also. He had been ready to give up and quit. Years later that young woman became critically ill. The local doctors were baffled. They finally sent her to the big city, where they called in specialists to study her rare disease. Dr. Howard Kelly ...

Don't be afraid of pressure. Remember that pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond. ................................................... Falling down doesn't make you a failure, but staying down does. ................................................... Although the tongue weighs very little, Very few people are able to hold it. ................................................... A person's true character is revealed by what he does when no one is watching. ................................................... Some people complain that there are thorns on roses, While others praise thorns for having roses among them. ...................................................

Love Marriage Resembles procedural programming language. We have some set functions like flirting, going to movies together, making long conversations on Phone and then try to fit all functions to the candidate we like. It is a throwaway type of prototype as client requirements rises with time thus it is a dynamic system and difficult to maintain. Family system hangs because hardware (called parents) is not responding. You are the project leader so you are responsible for implementation and execution of PROJECT- Married Life. Client expectations include exciting feature as spouse cooking food, washing clothes etc. Acceptance test possible you can try before you Buy. Love Marriage is like Windows, beautiful n seductive.... Yet one never knows when it will crash.... Arranged Marriage Similar to object oriented programming approach. We first fix the candidate and then try to implement functions on her. The functions are added to supplement the main program. The functions can be added or d...

*INTERNET PARKING NOTICE* Offender : You! Date: Today Time: 3:00 a.m. Offence : in front of the computer TOO LONG! Details of Offence : During our routine sweep of the Internet we, the Internet Police, have discovered that you have been on your chair in front of the computer TOO LONG! You are HEREBY ORDERED to clean up that pile of cups, cans, wrappers and papers on your desk (yes, we can see you - sit up straight!) and after you have logged into the real world for a minimum of ten minutes you may log back on to the Internet. Failure to comply may result in loss of reality, carpal tunnel syndrome, and the requirement of a larger chair. The timer starts NOW! Get off your butt - you'll thank us for it later. * * *

Ishq sabhiko jina sikha deta hai, Wafa ke naam par marna sikha deta hai. Ishq nahi kiya to karke dekho, Jalim har dard sehna sikha deta hai .................................. Uski doli ke bhi 4 kinare honge, Meri arthi ke bhi 4 kinare honge, Phool us par bhi barsenge, Phool mujh par bhi barsenge, Log uske liye bhi royenge, Log mere liye bhi royenge, Bus fark itne hoga... Uska kisi ko intzar hoga... Aur hamara antim sanskar hoga.... .................................. THERE ARE TIMES WHEN YOU HAVE STOP LOVING SOME ONE NOT BECAUSE YOU STARTING HATING THEM, BUT BECAUSE YOU REALISED THAT THEY WOULD BE MUCH HAPPIER IF YOU LET THEM GO. .................................. Aye mohabbat tere anjaam pe rona aaya Jaane kyon aaj tere naam pe rona aaya Yun to har sham umedon mein guzar jaati hai Aaj kuch baat hai jo is sham pe rona aaya

The Japanese have always loved fresh fish. But the waters close to Japan have not held many fish for decades. So to feed the Japanese population, Fishing boats got bigger and went farther than ever. The farther the fishermen went, the longer it took to bring in the fish. If the return trip took more than a few days, the fish were not fresh. The Japanese did not like the taste. To solve this problem, fishing companies installed freezers on their boats. They would catch the fish and freeze them at sea. Freezers allowed the boats to go farther and stay longer. However, the Japanese could taste the difference between fresh and frozen and they did not like frozen fish. The frozen fish brought a lower price. So fishing companies installed fish tanks. They would catch the fish and stuff them in the tanks, fin to fin. After a little thrashing around, the fish stopped moving. They were tired and dull, but alive. Unfortunately, the Japanese could still taste the difference. Because the fish did ...

This is a story about a famous research scientist who had made several very important medical breakthroughs. He was being interviewed by a newspaper reporter who asked him why he thought he was able to be so much more creative than the average person. What set him so far apart from others? He responded that, in his opinion, it all came from an experience with his mother that occurred when he was about two years old. He had been trying to remove a bottle of milk from the refrigerator when he lost his grip on the slippery bottle and it fell, spilling its contents all over the kitchen floor—a veritable sea of milk! When his mother came into the kitchen, instead of yelling at him, giving him a lecture, or punishing him, she said, "Robert, what a great and wonderful mess you have made! I have rarely seen such a huge puddle of milk. Well, the damage has already been done. Would you like to get down and play in the milk for a few minutes before we clean it up?" Indeed, he did. Afte...

Dard me koi mausam pyaara nahi hota, Dil ho pyasa to pani se guzara nahi hota, Koi dekhe to hamari bebassi, Hum sab ke ho jate par koi hamara nahi hota Is do pal ki zindagi mein tanhai kyu hai ? Logon ko humse ruswai kyu hai ? Is duniya mein insane kam to nahin….. Phir mere saath sirf meri parchai kyu hai… zakhm dene ka aandaz kuch aisa hai, zakhm dekar puchte hai ab haal kaisa hai, Zeher dekar kehte hai peena hi hoga, jab pi gaye zeher to kehte hai ab jeena hi hoga. Kash wo pal sang bitaye na hote, Jinko yaad kar aaj yeh aansu aaye na hote, Khuda ne agar is tareh door le jana hi tha, To itni gehrayi se dil milaye na hote… Kis qadar mujhko satatey ho tum bhool janey per bhi yaad aatey ho tum sarad raton key sanatton mein merey dil ko bohat rulatey ho tum kabhi kabhi to mehsoos hota hai mujhey mera naam bar bar duhratey ho tum baraha tum ko bhoolne chaha mainey phir bhi har bar yaad aatey ho tum jab bhi khuda sey kuch manga mainey merey dil ki dua ban jatey ho tum yaad meri tum ko zaroo...

"OLD" IS WHEN . Your sweetie says, "Let's go upstairs and make love," and you answer, "Pick one; I can't do both!" "OLD" IS WHEN ... Your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot. "OLD" IS WHEN ... A sexy babe catches your fancy and your pacemaker opens the garage door. "OLD" IS WHEN ... Going braless pulls all the wrinkles out of your face. "OLD" IS WHEN ... You don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along. "OLD" IS WHEN ... You are cautioned to slow down by the doctor instead of by the police. "OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting a little action" means you don't need to take any fiber today "OLD" IS WHEN ... "Getting lucky" means you find your car in the parking lot. "OLD" IS WHEN ... An "all nighter" means not getting up to use the bathroom. "OLD" IS WHEN ... ...

kuchh beete hue lamho se mulakat hui kuchh tute hue sapno se baat hui yaad jo karne baithe un tamam yado ko to apki hi yaado se shuruat hui ................................................... Wo yaro ki mehfil, wo muskurate pal, Dil se juda hai apna bita hua Kal, Kabhi jindagi guzjarti thi Waqt bitane me, Aaj waqt guzar jata hai chand kagaj ke note kamane me.. ................................................... Dua karte hai hum sar jhuka kar a dost tu manjil ko paye kabhi teri raho me andhera aaye to roshni ke liye khuda hame jalaye ................................................... Khushnaseeb hai aap, jo hum aapki dosti ko itna sidat se chahate hai, Varna hum vo sakhs hai, jo khwabo me bhi appointment se aate hai...

One of the women offered to find out the process of refining silver and get back to the group at their next Bible Study. That week, the woman called a silversmith and made an appointment to watch him at work. She didn't mention anything about the reason for her interest beyond her curiosity about the process of refining silver. As she watched the silversmith, he held a piece of silver over the fire and let it heat up. He explained that in refining silver, one needed to hold the silver in the middle of the fire where the flames were hottest as to burn away all the impurities. The woman thought about God holding us in such a hot spot; then she thought again about the verse that says: "He sits as a refiner and purifier of silver." She asked the silversmith if it was true that he had to sit there in front of the fire the whole time the silver was being refined. The man answered that yes, he not only had to sit there holding the silver, but he had to keep his eyes on the s...

A blonde was weed-eating her yard and accidentally cut off the tail of her cat which was hiding in the grass. She rushed her cat, along with the tail over to WALMART! Why WALMART??? HELLOOOOOOOOO! WALMART is the largest retailer in the world!!! ................................................ Flowers die.........., Stories end......... ., Songs fade........ .., Memories are forgotten... ., All things come to an end, But people like you, Always remain forever, B'cozzzzzzzzzzzz..... ... : : : : : : : GHOSTs NEVER DIE......!!! ! Hahaha!!!!!!!!!!! ................................................ Sardar ji says I love u to his girl friend and suddenly falls on the floor. Girl Friend: What is this? Sardarji: O ji, I'm falling in love! ................................................ Sardar was writing something very slowly. Friend asked:" Why r u writing so slowly? Sardar: "I'm writing to my 6 yr old son, he can't read very fast

How a BOY withdraws cash from an ATM. 1. Park the car 2. Go to ATM Machine 3. Insert card 4. Enter PIN 5. Take money out 6. Take ATM Card out 7. Drive away How a GIRL withdraws cash from an ATM 1. Park the car 2. Check makeup 3. Turn off engine 4. Check makeup 5. Go to ATM 6. Hunt for ATM card in the purse 7. Insert card 8. Hit Cancel 9. Hunt in purse for chit with PIN written on it 10. Insert card 11. Enter PIN 12. Take cash 13. Go to car 14. Check makeup 15. Start car 16. Stop car 17. Run back to ATM 18. Take ATM card 19. Back to car 20. Check makeup 21. Start car 22. Check makeup 23. Drive for 1/2 mile 24. Release handbrake 25. Drive on.

A group of frogs were traveling through the woods, and two of them fell into a deep pit. When the other frogs saw how deep the pit was, they told the two frogs that they were as good as dead. The two frogs ignored the comments and tried to jump up out of the pit with all their might. The other frogs kept telling them to stop, that they were as good as dead. Finally, one of the frogs took heed to what the other frogs were saying and gave up. He fell down and died. The other frog continued to jump as hard as he could. Once again, the crowd of frogs yelled at him to stop the pain and just die. He jumped even harder and finally made it out. When he got out, the other frogs said, "Did you not hear us?" The frog explained to them that he was deaf. He thought they were encouraging him the entire time. This story teaches two lessons: 1. There is power of life and death in the tongue. An encouraging word to someone who is down can lift them up and help them make it through the day. 2....

Dar dar bhatakte hai arman ki tarha, Har koi milta hai anjaan ki tarha, Iss duniya se khushi ki aas kya rakhna, Yahan to gham bhi dete hai ehsaan ki tarha, ..................................... Us ko mera halka sa ehsaas to hai Be-dard sahi woh meri humraaz to hai Woh aaye na aaye mere paas lekin Shiddat se mujhe uska intezar to hai Abhi nahi to kya hua mil hi jaayegi kabhi Mere dil mein us se milan ki aas to hai Pyaar ki gawahi mere aansuon se na maang Barasti nahi aankhen magar dil udaas to hai… ..................................... Kisi dard ko sambhal pana asan nhi , Haste hue har pal bitana asan nahi , Zindagi mein har koi dil mein bas nahi pata , Aur us base hue 1 ko bhul pana asan nahi. ..................................... Bahut udas hai koi tere jane se. Ho sake to laut aa kisi bahane se. Tu lakh khafa sahi magar ek baar to dekh , Koi toot gaya hai TERE rooth jane se...

* Everything you eat is savoured with garlic, onions and chillies. * You try and re-use gift wrappers, gift boxes, and of course aluminium foil. * You are standing next to the two largest size suitcases at the airport. * You arrive one or two hours late to a party, and think it's normal. * You peel the stamps off letters that the Postal Service missed to stamp. * Your toilet has a plastic bowl next to the commode. * All your children have pet names, which sound nowhere close to their real names. * You talk for an hour at the front door when leaving someone's house. * You load up the family car with as many people as possible. * You use plastic to cover anything new in your house whether it's the remote control, VCR, carpet or new couch . * You live with your parents even if you are 40 years old. (And they like it that way). * If she is NOT your daughter, you always take interest in knowing whose daughter has run with whose son and feel it's your duty to spread the word....

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you,but I failed to mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also make Your husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom women will flock to. " The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful Woman and he will have eyes only for me." So, -she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make y...

TELEGRAM 1 A daughter sends a telegram to her father on her clearing B.Ed exams, which the father receives as: "father, your daughter has been successful in BED." TELEGRAM 2 A husband, while he is on a business trip to a hill station sends a telegram to his wife: "I wish you were here." The message received by wife: "I wish you were her." TELEGRAM 3 A wife with near maturing pregnan! Cy goes to railway station to return to her husband. At the reservation counter, while her turn came, it was the last ticket. Taking pity on a very old lady next to her in the queue, she offered her berth to the old lady and sent a telegram to her husband which reached as: "Shall be coming tomorrow, heavy rush in the train, gave birth to an old lady." TELEGRAM 4 A man wants to celebrate his wife's Birthday by throwing a party. So he goes to order a birthday cake. The salesman asks him what message he wants to put on the cake. Well he thinks for a while and says...

Kiss kisi ki mahphil me, Kiss kisi ne kiss kiss ko kiss kiya. Ek hum they jisne her miss ko kiss kiya, Aur ek aap they jisne har kiss ko miss kiya. .................................... Ur the 1st thing that comes 2 my mind. I wish I could start my day with U in my bed. I just luv Ur feel to my lips. U just make my day. I love U NESCAFE! .................................... Kiss is not like Nokia...Connecting People Kiss is not like Nike.. Just Do It. Kiss is not like Pepsi.. Yeh Dil Maange More But Kiss is like Pan Parag.. Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga .................................... Main tod leta agar tu GULAB hoti, Main jawab banta agar tu SAWAL hoti, Sab jante hai main nasha nahi karta Phir bhi pi leta agar tu SHARAB hoti

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market. One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river. As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No." She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!" Finally, she came up wi...

DRIVING LICENSE APPLIKASON PHOROM --------------------------------------------------------- NOTE: Please do not soot the person at the applikason kounter. He will give you the licen. For instruktions, see bottom applikason. 1. Last name: (_) Yadav (_) Sinha (_) Pandey (_) Misra (_) Dot no (Check karet box) 2. First name: (_) Ramprasad (_) Lakhan (_) Sivprasad (_) Jamnaprasad (_) Dot no (Check karet box) 3. Age: (_) Less than phipty (_) Greater than phipty (_) Dot no (Check karet box) 4. Sex: ____ (Laloo) _____ (Rabri) 5. Chappal Size: ____ Lepht ____ Right 6.Occupason: (_) Dacoit (_) Rapeist (_) Kidanapper (_) Politison (_) Doodhwala (_) Pehelwaan (_) House wife (_) Un-employed (Check karet box) 7. Number of children libing in the household: ___ 8. Read #7 agan & anser here: ___ 9. Mather name: _______________________ 10. Phather Name: ____________________ (don't leave blank) 11. Ejjucason: 1 2 3 4 .............. (Circle highest grade completed) 12. Dental rekard: (_) Ellow ...

No matter how high the sky is, How deep the ocean is, How strong the wind is, How wide the river is, I just want to tell YOU…. They're none of YOUR BUSINESS .................................... Andhe ke hath me "TORCH", Bahare ke hath me "RADIO", Gunge ke hath me "MIKE", AUR AAP KE HATH ME "MOBILE" WAH WAH Kya Jamana Aaya hai!!! .................................... Aap itrate bahut ho Dil ko behlate bahut ho Sochte hai aap ko DINNER par le jaaye Par kya kare ZALIM tum khate bahut ho. .................................... Amiri ke khwab Dekhne laga, Angreji Sharab Chakhane laga, Baap ne kabhi Pager nahi dekha, Aur beta Mobile rakhne laga!!! ....................................

WOMAN has MAN in it . SHE has HE in it. Mrs. Has Mr. In it. LADY has LAD in it. MISTERESS has MISTER in it. MADAM has ADAM in it. HOSTESS has HOST in it. FEMALE has MALE in it ......and so on the list is never ending SO NO need to be proud ....Girls YOU are always incomplete without Boys....

Yeh tumhara SULAGTA hua JISM ... KAPKAPATAY HONT.... LARKHARATI AAWAZ... THARTHARATA BADAN ... Mujhe pehle se shuq tha ke tumhain MALARIA HAI..... Yaad hai hum pehli baar kahan miley they... Train ruki....... Khidki khuli....... Nazron se nazren mili......... Aur app ne kaha.......... Allah ke naam pe dede BABA:-D Dia hai upper waley ne mobile To itnee to kadar kia kero karo Na karo call per her roz Do char sms to kia kero Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat..... Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....?? Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..?? Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

Once upon a time, there was an island where all the feelings lived: Happiness, Sadness, Knowledge, and all of the others including Love. One day it was announced to the feelings that the island would sink, so all repaired their boats and left. Love wanted to persevere until the last possible moment. When the island was almost sinking, Love decided to ask for help. Richness was passing by Love in a grand boat. Love said, "Richness, can you take me with you?" Richness answered, "No, I can't. There is a lot of gold and silver in my boat. There is no place here for you." Love decided to ask Vanity who was also passing by in a beautiful vessel, "Vanity, please help me!" "I can't help you Love. You are all wet and might damage my boat." Vanity answered. Sadness was close by so Love asked for help, "Sadness, let me go with you." "Oh....Love, I am so sad that I need to be by myself!" Happiness passed by Love too, but he was so...

Ek lamhe me unhone hamari jindagi sawar di, Ek lamhe me unhone hamari jindagi ujaad di, Kasur unka nahi hamara tha, Un do lamho me humne sari jindagi gujaar di. Rah Rah kar teri yaad aaye to kya karun? Yaad teri dil se na jaye to kya karu? Sochata hu ki hogi mulakat khwabo me, Lekin kambakhat nind he naa aaye to kya karu? Aap paas raho ya dur, hum dil se dil ki awaj mila sakate hai, Na sms ke na khat ke mauthaj hai hum, Per aap ke dil ko ek hichaki se hila sakate hai. Waqt ki dhup ho ya barish, kuch kadamo ke nishan kahin nahi hote. jinhe yad karke khush hoti hai ankhen, wo log dur hote hue bhi door nahi hote.

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband,dressed in a homespun threadbare suit, stepped off the train in Boston, and walked timidly without an appointment into the president of Harvard's outer office. The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods, country hicks had no business at Harvard and probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge. She frowned. "We want to see the president," the man said softly. "He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped. "We'll wait," the lady replied. For hours, the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't. And the secretary grew frustrated and finally decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted to do. "Maybe if they just see you for a few minutes, they'll leave," she told him. And he sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously didn't have the...

Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool at the other. Love affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five-day test. Marriage: It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her master Divorce: Future tense of marriage Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through the minds of either. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece. Tears: The hydraulic force by which masculine will power is defeated by feminine waterpower.. . Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens & everybody disagrees later on. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt befor...

Some time ago, a friend of mine punished his 4 year old daughter for wasting a roll of gold wrapping paper. Money was tight and he became infuriated when the small child tried to decorate a box to put under the tree. Nevertheless the little girl brought the gift to her father the next morning and said "This is for you Daddy." He was embarrassed by his earlier over reaction... He opened the box and his anger flared again when he found the box was empty. Then he yelled at her: DON'T YOU KNOW when you give someone a present there's supposed to be something inside of it??? The little girl looked up at him with tears in her eyes and said, Oh Daddy it's not empty, I blew kisses into the box, all for you Daddy. The father was crushed. He put his arms around his little girl, and he begged her for forgiveness. My friend told me that he kept that gold box near his bed for years. Whenever he was discouraged he would take out an imaginary ...

Priest dies and is waiting in line at the Pearly Gates. Ahead of him is a guy who's dressed in sunglasses, a loud shirt, leather jacket and jeans. Saint Peter addresses him, "Who are you, so that I may know whether or not to admit you into the Kingdom of Heaven ?" The guy replies, "I'm Joe Cohen, taxi driver, from New York ." Saint Peter consults his list. He smiles and says to the taxi driver, "Take this silken robe and golden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ." Now it's the priest's turn. He stands erect and booms out, "I am the Right Reverend Joseph Snow, pastor of Saint Mary's for the last forty-three years." Saint Peter consults his list. He says to the priest, "Take this cotton robe and wooden staff and enter the Kingdom of Heaven ." "Just a minute," says the priest. "That man was a taxi driver. Why does he get a silken robe and golden staff?" "Results," shrugged Saint Peter.....

Dil mein tumhari apni kami chod jayenge, Aankhon mein intezar ki lakir chod jayenge, Yaad rakhna dhundte rahooge humhe, pyar ki aisi kahani chod jayenge. Gham ko bechkar khushi khareed lenge, Khwab bechkar zindagi khareed lenge, Hoga imtihaan to dekhe gi duniya, Khud ko bech kar aap ki khushi khareed lenge. Chidiya ko dekha to mann gud gudaya, apne azaad hone ka khyal mann ko bhaya, kyu na mein b par faila kar udd jau kahin door, fir achanak hi khud ko rishto me bandha hua paya. Unki yaad aaye toh dil kya kare, Yaad dil se na jaye toh dil kya kare, Socha tha sapno me mulaqath hogi magar, Neend hi na aaye toh dil kya kare.

If your father is a poor man, It is your fate but, If your father-in-law is a poor man, it's your stupidity. I was born intelligent - Education ruined me. Practice makes perfect..... But nobody's perfect...... So why practice? If it's true that we are here to help others, Then what exactly are the others here for? Since light travels faster than sound, People appear bright until you hear them speak. How come "abbreviated" is such a long word? Money is not everything. There's Mastercard & Visa. One should love animals. They are so tasty. Behind every successful man, there is a woman And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry. After all, happiness is not the only thing in Life. The wise never marry. And when they marry they become otherwise. Success is a relative term. It brings so many relatives. Never put off the work till tomorrow What you can put off today. "Your future depends on your dreams" So go to sleep There ...

Heart Can Skip Beats 4 a While Memories can be kept in a file A desert can replace the Nile But... Nothing can stop a smile when ur name appears on my mobile. My eyes reacted My mind was attracted, My heart was affected, Thousands were rejected, But u alone were selected !! Measured by miles you are far from me. Measured by thoughts you are closer to me. Measured by closed eyes you are with me. Measured by Heart you are in me...forever..

• The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car. • Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, I feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I don't smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS. • Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence. • My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes. • When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an...