Unlimited Fun

1. A friend stops to see you since your phone has been busy-----for a year!!!!!"(FOR DIAL UP'S) 2. You forgot how to work the TV remote control. 3. You see something funny and scream, "LOL, LOL." 4. You tell everyone, that after surgery, your mom went to ICQ ......instead of ICU! 5. You sign off and your screen says you were on for 3 days and 45 minutes. 6. You placed the refrigerator beside your computer. 7. You buy a laptop and a cell phone so you can have ICQ in your car. 8. Tech support calls YOU for help. 9. You beg your friends to get an account so you can "hang out." 10. You get a second phone line just to call out for pizza. 11. You purchase a vanity car license plate with your screen name on it. 12. You say "he he he he" or "heh heh heh" instead of laughing. 13. You say "SCROLL UP" when someone asks what it was you said. 14. You find out divorce papers had been served on you 6 months ago. 15. You talk on the phone with...

One day, the sage gave the disciple an empty sack and a basket of potatoes. "Think of all the people who have done or said something against you in the recent past, especially those you cannot forgive. For each of them, inscribe the name on a potato and put it in the sack." The disciple came up quite a few names, and soon his sack was heavy with potatoes. "Carry the sack with you wherever you go for a week," said the sage. "We'll talk after that." At first, the disciple thought nothing of it. Carrying the sack was not particularly difficult. But after a while, it became more of a burden. It sometimes got in the way, and it seemed to require more effort to carry as time went on, even though its weight remained the same. After a few days, the sack began to smell. The carved potatoes gave off a ripe odor. Not only were they increasingly inconvenient to carry around, they were also becoming rather unpleasant. Finally, the week was over. The sage summoned t...

A young man asks his father"Dadhow many kinds of breasts are there?" The fathersurprisedanswers: "Wellsonthere are three kinds of breasts. In her twentiesa woman's breasts are like melonsround and firm. In her thirties to fortiesthey are like pearsstill nice but hanging a bit. After fiftythey are like onions." "Onions?" "Yessee them and they make you cry." .............................................. PAPA : vo kon si cheez hai jis k charoo taraf baal hotay hain SON : papa may bataoo ? PAPA :nahi tum chup rahoo SON : may batata hoo ..... AANKH PAPA : ohh haan SON : to aap kya samajh rahay thay ? .............................................. A woman married a one legged man. She wrote to her mother: "My husband only has ONE FOOT". Her Mother replied: "You are luckyyour papa has ONLY 5 INCHES" ..............................................

Once upon a time, in the heart of the Western Kingdom, lay a beautiful garden. And there, in the cool of the day, the Master of the garden was wont to walk. Of all the denizens of the garden, the most beautiful and most beloved was gracious and noble bamboo. Year after year, bamboo grew yet more noble and gracious, conscious of his Master's love and watchful delight, but modest and gentle withal. And often when the wind came to revel in the garden, Bamboo would cast aside his grave stateliness, to dance and play right merrily, tossing and swaying and leaping and bowing in joyous abandon, leading the Great Dance of the garden, Which most delighted the Master's heart. Now, once upon a day, the Master himself drew near to contemplate his Bamboo with eyes of curious expectancy. And Bamboo, in a passion of adoration, bowed his great head to the ground in loving greeting. The Master spoke: "Bamboo, Bamboo, I would use you." Bamboo flung his head to the sky in utter delight....

If you treat her nice she says"Yaar mujhe line de raha hai". If you don't she says "Kitna akadta hai". ********** If you dress nicely she says "Mujhay impress karna chahta hai". If you don't she says "Tasteless hai yaar". ********** If you argue with her she says "Ziddi hai". If you sit quietly she says "Dumb hai". ********** If you act smarter she'll lose her brain as you are insulting her. If she acts smarter she think its her right. ********** If you don't love her she says "Is ka to pehlay say hi 2,3 ladkioon ke saath chakar hai". If you love her she says "Peechay hi pad gayaa hai". ********** If you don't give her a kiss she says "Tum mujh say serious naheen ho". If you give her a kiss she says "Yaar who ladkaa flirt kar raha hai". ********** If you don't tell her your problems she says "You are not honest to me". If you do tell to her she says ...

Sitam karo ya na karo, hum gila nahi karte, virano mein phool kabhi khila nahi karte, magar itna yaad rakhana hamesha ke hum jaise dost bar-bar mila nahi karte. .......................................................... Hichkiyon se ek baat ka ehsaas hota hai ke shayad koi hamen yaad to karta hai beshak milne na aaye per chandh lamhen hum per barbaad to karta hai.! .......................................................... Dost kabhi dosto se khafaa nahi hote.. Mil jaye dil to kabhi juda nahi hote bhula dena meri kamiyon ko. Kyu ki insan kabhi khuda nahi hote.... .......................................................... Zakhm dene ka andaz kuch aisa hai. Zakhm dekar puchte hai ab hal kaisa hai. Kisi ek se gila kya karna yaro, sari dunia ka mizaz ek jaisa hai.. ..........................................................

Us ajnabi ka youn na intezaar karo Is aashiq dil ka na aitbaar karo Roz nikla karen kisi ke yaad mein aanso Itna kabhi na kisi se pyaar karo ......................................... Ek ajnabi se mujhe itna pyaar kyon hai, Inkar karne par chahat ka ikraar kyon hai… Use pana nahi meri taqdeer mein shayad, Phir har mod pe usi ka intezar kyon hai… ......................................... Phir yaad ayae wo bikhre hue nazare, Palkon pe reh gaye hai kanpte hue sitare, Dil me machalne wale tufan tham gaye hai, Arman zindagi ke khamosh ho gaye hai, Viraniyan chamanki takdir ban gayi hai, Mehrum zindagi ki tasvir ban gayi hai. ......................................... Jab hum akele hote hain .. Sab kitne begane se ho jate hain Jo apne nahin the woh bhi Asaani se ansu de jaate hain ! .........................................

Love is holding hands in the street. Marriage is holding arguments in the street. Love is dinner for 2 in your favorite restaurant. Marriage is a take home packet. Love is cuddling on a sofa. Marriage is one of them sleeping on a sofa. Love is talking about having children. Marriage is talking about getting away from children. Love is going to bed early. Marriage is going to sleep early. Love is a romantic drive. Marriage is arrive on tops curvy tarmac . Love is losing your appetite. Marriage is losing your figure. Love is sweet nothing in the ear. Marriage is sweet nothing in the bank. Tv has no place in love. Marriage is a fight for remote control. Love is 1 drink and 2 straws. Marriage is "Don't you think you've had enough!". Conclusion: "Love is blind, Marriage is an eye opener!"

Wacky Greeting Cards For Unloved Ones! 1. I always wanted to have someone to hold, someone to love. And now that you've come into my life... (Inside card) - I've changed my mind. 2. I must admit, you brought religion into my life... (Inside card) - I never believed in Hell until I met you. 3. As the days go by, I think how lucky I am... (Inside card) - That you're not here to ruin it for me. 4. Congratulations on your promotion. Before you go... (Inside card) - Will you take the knife from my back? You'll probably need it again. 5. Someday I hope to marry... (Inside card) - Someone other than you. 6. Happy Birthday! You look great for your age... (Inside card) - Almost lifelike! 7.. When we were together, you said you'd die for me... (Inside card) - Now we've broken up, I think it's time to keep your promise. 8. We've been friends for a very long time... (Inside card) - What do you say we stop? 9. I'm so miserable without you... (Inside card) - It...

A woman in a hot air balloon realized she was lost. She reduced altitude and spotted a man below. She descended a bit more and shouted, "Excuse me, can you help me? I promised a friend I would meet him an hour ago but I don't know where I am." The man below replied "You're in a hot air balloon hovering approximately 30 feet above the ground. You're between 40 and 41 degrees north latitude and between 59 and 60 degrees west longitude." "You must be an engineer," said the balloonist. "I am", replied the man. "How did you know?" "Well, answered the balloonist, "everything you told me is technically correct, but I've no idea what to make of your information, and the fact is I'm still lost. Frankly, you've not been much help at all. If anything, you've delayed my trip even more." The man below responded, "You must be in management." "I am," replied the balloonist, "but how d...

Son: kal daddy ke office room se PRAYER karne ki awaaz aa rahi thi Mom: pray karna to achhi baat hai Son: daddy to chup theyunki secreatry chilla rahi thi "Oh God Oh God" .............................................. Dost! Mere marne ke baad mera janaza uski galiyo me ghuma dena agar wo dikh jaye to ek bar mera hila dena.. . . . . Abe Hath Bye Bye Bolna hai.. .............................................. Boy: "Aunty why was uncle lying on u last night..?" Aunty: "He was checking my temperature." Boy: "did he get it right? I saw the thermometer leaking..!" .............................................. Q: What did the elephant say to the naked man? A: How do you breathe through that thing? ..............................................

The following story captured our heart. It happened several years ago in the Paris opera house. A famous singer had been contracted to sing, and ticket sales were booming. In fact, the night of the concert found the house packed and every ticket sold. The feeling of anticipation and excitement was in the air as the house manager took the stage and said, Ladies and gentlemen, thank you for your enthusiastic support. I am afraid that due to illness, the man whom you've all come to hear will not be performing tonight. However, we have found a suitable substitute we hope will provide you with comparable entertainment. The crowd groaned in disappointment and failed to hear the announcer mention the stand-in's name. The environment turned from excitement to frustration. The stand-in performer gave the performance everything he had. When he had finished, there was nothing but an uncomfortable silence. No one applauded. Suddenly, from the balcony, a little boy stood up and shouted, Dad...

A student asks a teacher: What is love? The teacher said: in order to answer your question, go to the paddy field and choose the biggest paddy and come back. But the rule is: you can go through them only once and cannot turn back to pick. The student went to the field, go thru first row, he saw one big paddy, but he wonders....may be there is a bigger one later. Then he saw another bigger one... but may be there is an even bigger one waiting for him Later, when he finished more than half of the paddy field, he start to realize that the paddy is not as big as the previous one he saw, he know he has missed the biggest one, and he regretted. So, he ended up went back to the teacher with empty hand. The teacher told him, this is love... you keeplooking for a better one, but when later you realize, you have already miss the person The student asked: What is marriage then? The teacher said: In order to answer your question, go to the corn fieldand choose the b...

There was a couple who used to go to shop in the beautiful stores. They both liked antiques and pottery and especially teacups. One day in this beautiful shop they saw a beautiful teacup. They said, "May we see that? We've never seen one quite so beautiful." As the lady handed it to them, suddenly the teacup spoke. "You don't understand," it said. "I haven't always been a teacup. There was a time when I was red and I was clay." My master took me and rolled me and patted me over and over and I yelled out, "let me alone", but he only smiled, "Not yet." "Then I was placed on a spinning wheel," the teacup said, "and suddenly I was spun around and around and around. Stop it! I'm getting dizzy!" I screamed. But the master only nodded and said, 'Not yet." Then he put me in the oven. I never felt such heat. I wondered why he wanted to burn me, and I yelled and knocked at the door. I could see him th...

Q. How can you drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it? A. Concrete floors are very hard to crack! ********** Q. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it? A. No time at all it is already built. ********** Q. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in the other hand, what would you have? A. Very large hands. (Good one) ********** Q. How can you lift an elephant with one hand? A. It is not a problem, since you will never find! An elephant with one hand. ********** Q. How can a man go eight days without sleep? A. No Probs , He sleeps at night. ********** Q. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become? A. It will Wet or Sink as simple as that. ********** Q. What looks like half apple ? A : The other half. ********** Q. What can you never eat for breakfast ? A : Lunch and Dinner. ********** Q. What happened when wheel was invented ? A : It caused a revolution...

Chubby Cheeks, Dimple Chin, Browny Lips, Tiny eyes & Rosy Tongue Actually I ws pointing out d similarities b/w U & vodafone dog. it's gr8! Are u twins? ............................................... Go down to c my heart.. . . . . . Dekha. Kitna saaf hai mera DIL, Bole to ekdam Aapke. Dimag Ki tarah. ............................................... It takes 42 muscles to frown and only four to extend my middle finger and tell you to bite me. ............................................... Jab tum hanstey ho to...... Esa lagta hai k insan pehlay bandar tha Dekho ghusa na karna Kiyon k jub tum ghusa kartey ho to...... Esa lagta hai k insan aaj bhi bandar hay ...............................................

On the last day before Christmas, I hurried to go to the store to buy the remaining gifts I didn't manage to buy earlier. When I saw all the people there, I started to complain to myself. It is going to take forever here and I still have so many other places to go... Christmas really is getting more and more annoying every year. How I wish I could just lie down, go to sleep and only wake up after it... Nonetheless, I made my way to the toy section, and there I started to curse the prices, wondering if all kids really play with such expensive toys. While looking in the toy section, I noticed a small boy of about 5 years old, pressing a doll against his chest. He kept on touching the hair of the doll and looked so sad. I wondered who was this doll for. Then the little boy turned to the old woman next to him and said: Granny, are you sure I don't have enough money? The old lady replied: You know that you don't have enough money to buy this doll, my dear. Then she asked him to ...

Practice makes a man perfect... - But nobody's perfect...... So why practice? Money is not everything. - There's MasterCard & Visa. One should love animals. - They are so tasty. Save water. - Shower with your girl friend. Love thy neighbour. - But don't get caught. Behind every successful man, there is a woman - And behind every unsuccessful man, there are two. Every man should marry. - After all, happiness is not the only thing in life. The wise never marry - And when they marry they become otherwise. Success is a relative term. - It brings so many relatives. Never put off the work till tomorrow what you can put off today. Love is photogenic - It needs darkness to develop Children in backseats cause accidents - Accidents in backseats cause children "Your future depends on your dreams" - So go to sleep There should be a better way to start a day - Than waking up every morning "Hard work never killed anybody" - But why take the risk ! "Work fasci...

ZINDAGI kisi ki AMANAT nahi hoti AMANAT mei kabhi KHAYANAT nahi hoti Hum se DOSTI zara sanbhal k krna Humari DOSTI ki qaid mei ZAMANAT nahi hoti ............................................... Nasha jaruri hai zindagi k liye, sirf sharab hi nahi hai bekhudi k liye, kisi ki mast nigahon me doob ja ae dost, bada hasi samundar hai khudkushi ke liye. ............................................... Zindagi ka raaz raaz rehne do, Jo bhi ho aitraaz aitraaz rehne do, Jab yeh dil dilse, baat karna chahe, Dost yeh mat kehna aaj rehne do. ............................................... Apni aankhon ke samandar main utar Jane de. Tera mujrim ho doob kar mar Jane de. Kisi ke kehne se meri chahat tere kaam Na hogi. Sochta ho kahoon tumse magar Jane de. ...............................................

A village potter used to make pots and planters. He would go to a near by town to sell his wares. He had a donkey on whose back he would load the pots etc. Diwali was fast approaching, so the potter decided to make some statues of Lord Ganesha and Goddess Lakshmi, to sell in town. He made some beautiful statues and painted them in bright colours. He then loaded them on to the back of his donkey and set off towards the city. On the way, he crossed many people. They would invariably fold their hands and bow to the statues of Ganesha and Lakshmi. By the time they reached the city, many people had bowed their heads before the deities. They reached the exhibition ground where the artisans could exhibit their things. Soon the potter was able to sell his statues for a good sum. He was pleased indeed! The potter took his donkey by the muzzle and set off on the road leading back to the village. Every time they would cross anyone, the donkey would stop and preen himself prettily as if he were a ...

I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes. *********** Gardening Rule: When weeding, the best way to make sure you are removing a weed and not a valuable plant is to pull on it. If it comes out of the ground easily, it is a valuable plant. *********** The easiest way to find something lost around the house is to buy a replacement. *********** Never take life seriously. Nobody gets out alive anyway. *********** There are two kinds of pedestrians -- the quick and the dead. *********** Life is sexually transmitted. *********** An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys. *********** If quitters never win, and winners never quit, Then who is the fool who said : "Quit while you're ahead?" *********** The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth. *********** Always get the last word in: Apologize. *********** Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; Teach that person to use the Internet and they w...

MOSAM SHABAB KA, NASHA SHARAB KA, PARDA JANAB KA, AUR RANG GULAB KA, IN SAB SE HASEEN, IN SAB SE LAJAWAB DEKHO SMS PADNE WALA.. MENDAK TALAAB KA. ............................................. Lady: Muje Talak chahiye SARPANCH: Magar vo to kabadi champion hai LADY: Yehi problem hai khel k jaisa rat ko bhi sirf chhukar chala jata hai. ............................................. Sustipur se Fresh Nagar tak jane wali Morning xpress bathroom no.1 par khadi hai, SWEET yatrign se anurodh hai ki Kripya apne din ki shuruwat nahakar karen. ............................................. Na Moh na Maya hai, Aalas tumhi ko aya hai.. Humein bhi Msg kar k dekh lo BETA, NOKIA ne yeh Mobile Sirf Tumhari Girlfrend k liye nahi banaya hai... .............................................

In life, a lesson learned in your past that you will never forget completely.When I was in elementary school, I got into a major argument with a boy in my class. I have forgotten what the argument was about, but I have never forgotten the lesson learned that day. I was convinced that "I" was right and "he" was wrong - and he was just as convinced that "I" was wrong and "he" was right. The teacher decided to teach us a very important lesson. She brought us up to the front of the class and placed him on one side of her desk and me on the other. In the middle of her desk was a large, round object. I could clearly see that it was black. She asked the boy what color the object was. "White," he answered. I couldn't believe he said the object was white, when it was obviously black! Another argument started between my classmate and me, this time about the color of the object. The teacher told me to go stand where the boy was standing and to...

Teacher: How old is ur father. Sunny: As old as I am. Teacher: How is it possible? Sunny: He became father only after I was born. .................................................. Teacher : Tomorrow there will be a lecture on Sun. Everyone must attend it. Raju: No mam I will not be able to attend it. Teacher : Why? Raju: My mother will not allow me to go so far!!! .................................................. Question: What is the full form of math's. Answer: Mentally affected teachers harassing students .................................................. Sardar at an Art Gallery: I suppose this horrible looking thing is what you call modern art ? Art dealer: I beg your pardon sir, thats a mirror! ..................................................

One day a man having conversation with god when his whole life flashed before his eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. He saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult periods of his life there were only one set of footprints. He asked god "You said you will be with me throughout this journey, but why have you deserted me during the most critical times of my life??" To which god answered "Son, I did not desert you, I was always with you...you see only one set of footprints because during those difficult times in your life, I was carrying you" Another day I was having a similar conversation with my Project Manager (PM) when my whole project flashed before my eyes as a series of footsteps on the sands of time. I saw that there were two pairs of footprints, but during the most difficult times in the project there were only one set of footprints. I asked my PM, "You said you will be with me throughout the project, but why...

An old legend relates that long ago God had a great many burdens which He wished to have carried from one place to another on earth, so He asked the animals to lend a hand. But all of them began to make excuses for not helping: the elephant was too dignified; the lion, too proud; and so on. Finally the birds came to God and said, "If you will tie the burdens into small bundles, we'll be glad to carry them for you. We are small but we would like to help." So God fastened upon the back of each one a small bundle, and they all set out walking across the plain to their destination. They sang as they went, and did not seem to feel the weight of their burdens at all. Every day the burdens seemed lighter and lighter, until the loads seems to be lifting the birds, instead of the birds carrying the burdens. When they arrived at their destination, they discovered that when they removed their loads, there were wings in their place, wings which enabled them to fly to the sky and the ...

Never marry a Testing girl since she always doubts U . Never marry a DATABASE girl since she always wants her husband to be a UNIQUE key. Never marry a C girl because she always have a tendency to BREAK the things and EXIT from house. Never marry a C++ girl as u may encounter some problems in INHERITANCE. Never marry a JAVA girl since she always throws EXCEPTIONS. Never marry a VB girl since she has divorce FORM with her always. Never marry a UNIX girl ,she always dump u with a core. Never marry a PASCAL girl ,she always scolds u as rascal. Never marry a COBOL girl since she may be very good in DIVISION of families. Never marry a NETWORK girl since she may be very good in shooting troubles. Better marry a girl not belonging to SOFTWARE FAMILY MARRY A GIRL FROM A "HARD"WARE FAMILY, THEN..........

A bhai! Itna sannata kyon hai? Kitne der se sms ki ghanti nahi baji. Yeh sare network fuse hogaye Ya mere dost hi kanjus hogaye ................................................... Sometimes, I forget to say hi, Sometimes, I even miss to reply, Sometimes, my msg doesn't reach u, But, it doesn't mean that I forget u, I'm just giving u time to miss me! ................................................... Apni Surat ka kabhi to didaar de Tadap raha hu kabhi to apna pyaar de Apni awaaz nahi sunani to mat suna Kam se kam 1 Missed call hee maar de ................................................... Us Pyari si surat ka phir ek bar didar de, Tadap rahe hain hum yahan, ab aur na intazar de, Awaz mat suna, ae zalim magar, Ek kam se kam ek MISSED call to mar de... ...................................................

One day, a very scholarly gentleman, while travelling in India, decided to go across big river, so he asked one of the village people who owned a small boat, if he would take him, to this request the boatman agreed. As they started, the sun became obscured by dark clouds, and as the river was large, the gentleman realised that the crossing would take some time. So he started a conversation with the boatman. "Did you know that the sun is approximately 93,000,000miles away, and yet it has provided heat and light, throughout the universe since time immemorial, baring that, if it was to shift, even a fraction of an inch out of its orbit, there would be total devastation?" The boatman replied; "My dear sir, I am just a simple man who has had no education, there is no way I could know such information" "Then" said the gentleman "You are 25% fool". Some time passed, and as they were coming to the ½ way mark, the thunder began to rumble. "Did you kn...

Ek macchar ek takle ke sar par ja baita... Dusra macchar bola:- Waha kya ghar dunda hai.. Pehla macchar bola:- Ghar kaha re abi to sirf PLOT karida hai... .......................................... Ek sharabi marne laga tab bhagwan pratyaksh hoke "koi antim ichcha?" Sharabi- agle janam me ek liver extra laga dena....! .......................................... Duniya Gol Hai:- Chuha Billi se darta hai, Billi Kutte se darti hai, Kutta Aadmi se darta hai, Aadmi Biwi se darta hai, Biwi Chuhhe se darti hai.! Duniya Gol Hai.. .......................................... Safed rang ho agar mehboob ka, Toh mohabbat ki detergent khusbudar nazar aati hai, Na koi aur hota kharid-dar SURF-EXCEL KA , Aur na dhulai RIN-SUPREME ki kam nazar aati hai...!!! ..........................................