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The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won. The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again. The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT. The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races. The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent. The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN . The Bishop fainted. He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10. The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10. This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free. The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNO...

Ur the 1st thing that comes 2 my mind. I wish I could start my day with U in my bed. I just luv Ur feel to my lips. U just make my day. I love U . . . NESCAFE! ................................................... What is a girl friend ? Addition of problems, subtraction of money, Multiplication of enemies & division of friends. ................................................... Lawyer: "What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that morning?" Witness: "He said, 'Where am I, Cathy?'" Lawyer: "And why did that upset you?" Witness: "My name is Susan." ................................................... A man & wife are in bed.He farts & shouts ''Goal.'' His wife farts & shouts ''One all.'' When the score gets to two all,the man strains so hard he craps the bed. His wife says ''What the hell was that?'' ''Half time - swap sides.'' ...............

In order to use the Internet Explorer (IE) effectively, we have some basic tips for you to try… Ok let's go now. 1. To extend the window area of the IE, you can make it easy by pressing the F11 key. Then you press it again in order to return the IE to the normal window. 2. Sometimes you want to search a keyword in a long web page that you are surfing. How do you do ?? Just press Ctrl+F and place the keyword you want. 3. Using Backspace key in your keyboard instead of clicking Back in the IE window. 4. You can close your IE window that you are surfing by Ctrl+W. 5. To see the surfing websites history, Press F4 key to see the URL which you have typed. 6. Press Ctrl+D in order to save the URL which you are surfing. And the URL will be in the Favorites. 7. To send a web page to your friend. Do you know we can send it by email from the IE's tools ? Let you try it, go to File > Send > Page by E-mail... 8. To slide the web page by using the keyboa...

Flat screen monitors, also known as LCD monitors, are a little different than their CRT cousins when it comes to cleaning. Your standard CRT monitor has a glass screen and be cleaned in pretty much the same way as you would any other glass in your home or office. Flat screen monitors, however, require a bit of special care when cleaning. Their displays are much more sensitive and are easily scratched and damaged. Follow the easy steps below to safely clean your flat screen monitor in just a few minutes. Here's How: 1. Turn off the monitor. If the screen is dark, it will be easier to see the areas that are dirty or oily. 2. Use a dry, soft cloth and very gently wipe the screen. A great choice would be the microfiber type of cloth used to clean eyeglasses. See Tip #1 below for kinds of cloths to avoid. 3. If the dry cloth did not completely remove the dirt or oil, do not press harder in an attempt to scrub it off. Pushing directly on the LCD screen can often cause pixels to burn out....

Problem: You cannot imagine life without Firefox but over time, your favorite browser keeps getting slower and slower. Not only is it slow, Firefox sometimes hangs for no reason, consumes a large amount of memory and CPU usage can climb to 90% or more when you have multiple tabs open simultaneously. You have uninstalled most of the extensions and toolbars, deleted all the cookies and Internet temporary files, cleared up the file download queue and disabled the background check for software updates - but none of this has helped you speed-up Firefox. Solution: This is a common problem especially if you have been running Firefox for some time - I don't know why Firefox slows down but here's a small trick to rejuvenate the aged copy of Firefox without doing a fresh install. Step 1: Start Firefox and export your bookmarks as a file on your hard-drive (we'll need them later). Step 2: Type Firefox.exe - P in the Run box of Windows. (see screenshot) Step 3: Click the Create Pr...

Man: Bless me God! My son is drug addictmy daughter is a call girlmy wife is a gambler. God: Is anything +ve in ur family? Man: I'm HIV positive. ............................................ Son kills a butterfly. Dad: No butter for 2 weeks. Son kills a honeybee. Dad: No honey for 2 weeks. Mom kills a cockroach. Son: Dad u tell her or should I? ............................................ Suhagrat ke time darvaze pe dastak hoti hai toh dulhan bhag k parde ke peeche chup jati hai. Husband: Kya hua? Dulhan: Mujhe laga police ki raid par gai. ............................................ Lady 2 Maid: Tu saare kaam mein bekaar hai! Bai: Bister mein to aap se aachi hoon! Lady: Tujhe saab ne bola kya? Bai: Nahin driver bol raha tha! ............................................

1. NIIT : Not Interested in IT 2. WIPRO : Weak Input, Poor & Rubbish Output 3. HCL : Hidden Costs & Losses 4. TCS : Totally Confusing Solutions 5. INFOSYS :Inferior Offline Systems 6. HUGHES : Highly Useless Graduates Hired for Eating and Sleeping 7. BAAN : Beggars Association and Nerds 8. IBM : Implicitly Boring Machines 9. SATYAM : Sad And Tired Yelling Away Madly 10. PARAM : Puzzled And Ridiculous Array of Microprocessors 11. C-DOT : Coffee During Office Timings 12. AT&T : All Troubles & Terrible 13. CMC : Coffee, Meals and Comfort 14. DEC : Drifting & Exhausted Computers 15. BFL : Brainwash First and Let them go 17. TISL : Totally Inconsistent Systems Ltd. 18. PSI : Peculiar Symptoms of India 19. ORACLE : On-line Romance And Chatting with Lady Employees. 20. MASTEK: Mad And Stupid Technitians Enroute to Kabaarkhana 21.PATNI : Pathetic Appraisal Techniques, No Increments

Once Santa & Banta were travelling along with their friends Monty & Jaggi. On a road surrounded by forests on both sides, their car was attacked by robbers. Santa & his friends were pulled out of the car. The robbers blasted the car and took Santa, Banta and their friends in the middle of the forest where their boss was residing. Now, this boss was fond of jokes. So, he put the condition that whoever tells a joke that makes every single person laugh should be left unharmed and alive, but if one single person doesn't laugh then the joke-teller would be shot to death. Banta started telling the funniest joke he had ever heard, "One day........." and when he was finished, everybody were falling with laughter except Santa. So according to the vow, the boss shot poor Banta. Now, it was the turn of Monty. He also told the best joke he had ever heard. Again everybody laughed including the boss & his robbers, but still Santa was quite as a statue. So the boss shot ...

ISHQ or DOSTI meri zindgi ka guman h.. ISHQ meri ruh DOSTI mera iman h.. ISHQ pe kar du fida apni sari ZINDGI.. ..Magar DOSTI par mera ISHQ B QURBAAN hai. ......................................... My maths teacher told me 1'hour=60 mins. & 1'min=60'secs. But she never told me that 1'sec. Without a FRIEND like U is equal to 100'years. ......................................... How long shall v b friends? Do u want a clue? As long as stars twinkle in the sky, till the water runs dry & till the day I die. We will b friends. ......................................... A single candle can illuminate an entire room. A true friend lights up an entire lifetime. Thanks for the bright lights of ur friendship. .........................................

Cannot Update Windows Defender !? If you ever encounter an error code (e.g. "error code 0x80240029 - cannot update" which btw is the most common one), when updating Defender, here is a solution which will help you. This usually happens if the distribution database is broken and needs to be re-created. Here are the solutions to address the issue : 1) As far as Vista goes (don't know if this applies to XP) you can do this by clicking start > all programs > windows updates> change settings > uncheck Automatic Updates, Uncheck Recommended Updates and uncheck use Microsoft Update Service. This will switch from Microsoft Update back to using Windows Update. Reboot. If it works for you fine; you can now reset the update settings to as they were earlier. 2) I also came across this download from Microsoft (Vista/XP). This actually FORCES defender to update ! 3) To manually update Windows Defender visit Microsofts Malware Protection Center for instructions. 4) Lastly ...

A father passing by his teenage daughter's bedroom was astonished to see the bed was nicely made and everything was neat and tidy. Then he saw an envelope propped up prominently on the centre of the pillow. It was addressed "Dad". With the worst premonition, he opened the envelope and read the letter with trembling hands:- Dear Dad, It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm writing you, but I'm leaving home. I had to elope with my new boyfriend Randy because I wanted to avoid a scene with Mom and you. I've been finding real passion with Randy and he is so nice to me. I know when you meet him you'll like him too - even with all his piercing, tattoos, and motorcycle clothes. But it's not only the passion Dad, I'm pregnant and Randy said that he wants me to have the kid and that we can be very happy together. Even though Randy is much older than me (anyway, 42 isn't so old these days is it?), and has no money, really these things shouldn't s...

Men are of different types Some Examples - INTERNET man - Man of difficult access SERVER man - Always busy when you need him WINDOWS man - Everyone knows that he can't do a thing right, but no one can live without him EXCEL man - They say he can do a lot of things, but you mostly use him to achieve your basic requirements D.O.S. Man - Everyone had him, but no one wants him any more VIRUS man - Also known as spouse, when you are not expecting him, he comes , install himself and uses all your resources, if you try to uninstall him you will lose something, if you don't uninstall him you will lose everything. SCREENSAVER man - he is not worth for anything, but at least he is fun RAM man - he forgets everything you say when you disconnect him HARD DISK man - he remembers everything forever MULTIMEDIA man - he makes horrible things look beautiful USER man - he messes up everything he does and he ask always more than he needs CD-ROM man - he is always faster and faster

Aankhon ki zubhan wo samajh nahi pate, Hoth magar kuch keh nahi pate, Apni bebasi kis tarah kahe, Koi hai jiske bina hum reh nahi pate ............................................. Main deewaani hun tere naam ki is baat se inkar nahi, Kaise kahe ki hame aapse pyar nahi, Kuch to kasoor hai aapki nazro ka, Hum akele to gunhegar nahi. ............................................. Palbhar mein tut jaye who kassam nahi, Dosti mein bhool jaye woh hum nahi, Tum bewafa bano is baat mein dum nahi, Kyuki hamari wafa bhi kuch kum nahi ............................................. Uthi to duaa ban gayi, jhuki to hayaa ban gayi, Jo jhuk kar uthi to khata ban gayi, or uth kar jhuki to adaa ban gayi .............................................

Open regedit & follow the steps below: 1. Navigate to HKEY_CURRENT_USER\Software\ Microsoft\Windows\CurrentVersion\Policies\Explorer 2. On the Edit menu, click New, click DWORD value . 3. Name the new DWORD Value as NoLowDiskSpaceChecks 4. Right click the new DWORD Value and Modify the data value to 1. 5. Exit the registry editor and restart your computer.

FTP is used for transfer of large files. Bloggers and webmasters use FTP frequently for uploading files to their server space all the time. FTP transfers usually involve some software installed on the computer. The method usually involves connecting to a particular host server URl, and entering the username and password for access. FTP transfers may be primitive (they do not have much security), but they are still widely used. Imagine yourselves in this situation : you are at a friend's house or a browsing cafe, and need to access your server immediately (perhaps for uploading WP-Cache during a spike, for example). Do you wait until the download of FTP software is complete? That is a complete waste of time. There is an easier way to access FTP servers - without any third-party software. All that you require is the humble Windows Explorer or Internet Explorer (either of them can be used). To access any FTP server, enter the following (replace server with the domain/subdomain): FTP:/...

An old Farmer lived on a farm in the mountains with his young grandson. Each morning Grandpa was up early sitting at the kitchen table reading his Bhagavat Geeta. His grandson wanted to be just like him and tried to imitate him in every way he could. One day the grandson asked, "Grandpa! I try to read the Bhagavat Geeta just like you but I don't understand it, and what I do understand I forget as soon as I close the book. What good does reading the Bhagavat Geeta do?" The Grandfather quietly turned from putting coal in the stove and replied, "Take this coal basket down to the river and bring me back a basket of water." The boy did as he was told, but all the water leaked out before he got back to the house. The grandfather laughed and said, "You'll have to move a little faster next time," and sent him back to the river with the basket to try again. This time the boy ran faster, but again the basket was empty before he returned home. Out of ...

Sabhi ko sabhi kuch nahi milta.. nadi ki har lehar ko sahil nahi milta, yeh dilwalo ki duniya hai ajeeb, kisi se dil nahi milta to koi dilse nahi milta... .................................................. Aapko bhool jaun, umar gujarne ki baat hai, aapko nahi yakin ye aur baat hai , jabtak rahegi saans tab tak rahoge yaad, ye saans tut jaye to aur baat hai. .................................................. Jaane kya Mujhse zamana chahta hai , mere dil tod kar mujhe hasana chahta hai , jaane kya baat jhalakti he mere chehre se, har saks mujhe aazmana chahta hai. .................................................. Zindagi bhaut kuch sikhati hai , kabhi hasati he..kabhi rulati hai , kudh se jayada kisipe bharosa maat karna , andhere me to parchai bhi saath chor jati hai.. ..................................................

1. Jam 39 tiny marshmallows up your nose and try to sneeze them out. 2. Use your MasterCard to pay your Visa. 3. Pop some popcorn without putting the lid on. 4. When someone says, "Have a nice day," say you have other plans. 5. Find out what a frog in a blender really looks like. 6. Forget the Diet Center and send yourself a candygram. 7. Make a list of things to do that you've already done. 8. Dance naked in front of your pets. 9. Put your toddler's clothes on backwards and send him off to preschool as if nothing were wrong. 10. Retaliate for tax woes by filling out your tax forms with Roman Numerals.

Children were lined up in the cafeteria of an elementary school for lunch. At a table was a large pile of apples. A teacher made a note, and posted on the apple tray: "Take only ONE. God is watching." Moving further along the lunch line, at the other end of the table was a large pile of chocolate chip cookies. A child had written a note, "Take all you want. God is watching the apples!" ............................................... Sam and David were sharing their childhood memories. Sam says: Once when I was playing on a road, a speeding bike hit me and I fell down on the earth unconsciously. David: Oh my God! Did you survive that accident or you died. Sam: I don't remember exactly because I was only 4 yeas old at that time. ............................................... Wife: Oh dear when you remove your specks you look like the same cute boy whom I married 20 years back. Husband: Yes dear, when I remove my specks and look at you, you also look like the same...

May be you have heared about the Great Barrier Reef, stretching some 1,800 miles from New Guinea to Australia. Tour guides regularly take visitors to view the reef. On one tour, a traveler asked the guide an interesting question."I noticed that the lagoon side of the reef looks pale and lifeless, while the ocean side is vibrant and colorful," the traveler observed. "Why is this?" The guide gave an interesting answer:"The coral around the lagoon side is in still water with no challenge for its survival. It dies early. The coral on the ocean side is constantly being tested by wind, waves, and storms -- surges of power. It has to fight for survival every day of its life.As it is challenged and tested, it changes and adapts. It grows healthy. It grows strong. And it reproduces." Then he added this telling note: "That's the way it is with every living organism." That's how it is with people. Challenged and tested, we come alive! Like coral pou...

The motherboard is the heart of the computer, every part of the computer relies on the motherboard to function correctly. It maintains connection between every PC component and ensures that things are operating smoothly between them. Many signs of motherboard failure is that the computer won't boot up, not reaching the POST test, erratic system behavior, different combinations of components not working. The motherboard is the heart of the computer, every part of the computer relies on the motherboard to function correctly. It maintains connection between every PC component and ensures that things are operating smoothly between them. Many signs of motherboard failure is that the computer won't boot up, not reaching the POST test, erratic system behavior, different combinations of components not working. Because everything is connected to the motherboard certain parts may or may not work correctly if the motherboard is faulty so be sure to test those parts before thinking they...

With the amount of information available for download on the Internet, it's easy to quickly fill up your valuable hard drive space and turn your computer into a sluggish, unresponsive monster. Keeping your hard drive clean is essential to the high performance that the latest computers can achieve. Fortunately, it's a simple process; one that can easily be performed on a regular basis and, with some organization, keep your computer running like a well-oiled machine. You can discover how much hard drive space is available on your computer by accessing the DriveSpace program in your System Tools. A pie graph will show you the amount of used and unused space for each of your drives. Check this often to keep an idea of how much space you are using. There are six simple steps to clearing up your hard drive: 1. Uninstall unused programs. Many times a new program will come along that looks fun to have or play with, but after a week or two you simply stop using it. These programs clutte...

Zindagi dene vale marta chod gye, Apnapan jatane vale tanha chod gye, Jab padi zarurat hume apne humsafar ki  Vo jo saath chalne vale apna rasta mod gaye ... ..................................... Gunah karke saza se darte hain,  Zahar pee ke dawa se darte hain,  Dushmano ke sitam ka khauff nahi,  Hum toh doston ki wafa se darte hain. ..................................... Koi achhi si saza do mujhko, Chalo aisa karo bhula do mujhko, Tumse bichdu to maut aa jaye, Dil ki gehraiyon se aisi dua do mujh ko. ..................................... Na puch mere sabar ki inteha kaha tak hai, Tu sitam kar le teri hasrat jahan tak hai, Wafa ki umeed jinhe hogi unhe hogi, Hume to dekhna hai tu bewafa kahan tak hai. .....................................

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent.  The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean."  She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!" .........................................   Husband: Jee karta hai ki tumhari zulfon mein kho jaaon,  tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaon,  tumhari bahon mein jhool jaon. Wife: Neeche kya mohalle wale ghusengey? .........................................   Rosemary divorced Mr.Lele b'coz she was sick of telling her name,"Roz Meri Lele." Imagine her tough luck, she was re-married to Mr. Marlow .........................................   Unborn twins in the mother's stomach saw a penis. 1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai. 2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante. .........................................

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground. That's my son over there, she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide. He's a fine looking boy, the man said. That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater. Then, looking at his watch, he called to his son. What do you say we go, Todd Todd pleaded, Just five more minutes, Dad. Please Just five more minutes. The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart's content. Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. Time to go now Again Todd pleaded, Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes. The man smiled and said, O.K. My, you certainly are a patient father, the woman responded. The man smiled and then said, My older son Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vo...

Audit mode is a mode of Windows Setup that lets you bypass Windows Welcome so you can quickly access the desktop.  Audit mode is usually entered by running sysprep /audit command or using an answer file setting during unattended installation.  But if you install Windows Vista manually on a computer, you can also break into audit mode when the Windows Welcome screen appears by pressing CTRL+SHFT+F3.  This lets you get to the desktop quickly so you can add drivers, install applications, and do other stuff without having to go through all the steps of Windows Welcome.

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.   9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.   8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling..... And I'll think about returning your call.   7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.  Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.   6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send mone...

Confidence and Self-Esteem were best friends. They went everywhere together. If Confidence bought a new dress, Self-Esteem bought one just like it. They were very close. One day a new kid came to their school. His name was Peer Pressure. He had a friend called Hateful Words. They decided to give Confidence a hard time. They constantly teased her. They forced her to do terrible things. It was so terrible that Confidence lost Self-Esteem. When Self-Esteem wanted to start some classes, Confidence said they wouldn't be any good. Then one day, Peer Pressure introduced Confidence to Doubt. He wanted to ruin Confidence, but Peer Pressure said he couldn't yet. Self Esteem couldn't understand what was wrong with Confidence. Confidence now hung around with Depression, Low Self-Esteem, and Overeating. These girls were friends of Peer Pressure. Self-Esteem no longer had any friends. She no longer felt good about herself. She went to see her Imaam. Imaam Good Words told her how to talk ...

There is this Fisherman, Let's call him Vishy (rhymes with Fishy). Vishy goes out fishing each morning, casts his net and gathers his catch and sells them in the market and makes a living out of it. On one occasion he gets up too early and sleep eludes him. So he decides to go fishing any way it's too dark to go fishing so he strolls by the Bank of the River and waits for the Sun to appear he stumbles upon a sack. This sack is a bit heavy and there were some pebbles in it Now, when u have a river and a sack of pebbles and a lot of time to kill, the logical thing to do is to throw the pebbles into the river Vishy did just the same He tried all the things we do Throwing it as far as possible, as high as possible, make the pebbles bounce as many times an possible..... Now with just one stone remaining, the sun rose the stone in his hand began to glow as well damn! The stone was a diamond!!!! That's when he realized that all those pebbles he had thrown away were actually Precio...

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market. One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe), He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river. As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No." She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his. Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!" Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and...

Ek ladki thi diwani si, sunder si lambi si,  Nazrein jhukake sharmake galion se guzra karti thi  Latak matak chalti thi, aur kaha karti thi,  Bartan Lelo Bartan.... .............................................. Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain  Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain  Yeh to unke bachche hee kaminey hain,  Jo Mama Mama kehke bulaate hain :) .............................................. Shaam hote hi ye Dil udaas hota hai Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai.. .............................................. Dekha tujhe to rooh khush ho gayi, Ek kami thi vo bhi puri ho gayi, Pagal hain vo log jo kehte hain ki, Chimpanzi ki aakhri nasal kahin kho gayi!! ..............................................

The time may come that you'll need to reinstall your Windows XP. It could happen. Maybe you'll add a new motherboard or hard drive. Maybe you'll get constant errors and problems that just won't go away. Or perhaps you're a neat freak who wants to rid yourself of clutter and start fresh with a clean operating system. If you do reinstall Windows XP, then you'll need to re-activate it too—that is, unless you keep this tip handy ;-) See, the first time you activated XP it created a file called "wpa.dbl" that lives in the WINDOWS\system32 folder. By creating a backup of this file on disk, you can simply put it back into the folder after reinstalling XP and avoid the whole re-activation hassle. Here's how... Go to My Computer then select your Hard Drive (usually drive C). Goto the WINDOWS\system32 folder and scroll way down until you find the wpa.dbl file. Right-click and choose "Send To" then either Floppy Drive (make sure you have a disk in) ...

The best use of the Excel protection system is to prevent a data entry person from accidentally damaging formulas or formatting in your spreadsheet file. Passwords aren't needed for this purpose. Worksheet protection There are two different menu locations that together control worksheet protection: * Format, Cells, Protection, with a check box labeled Locked, to choose which cells the user will be able to modify when the sheet is protected * Tools, Protection, Protect Sheet to toggle sheet protection on and off In a new blank worksheet all cells are formatted Locked, but worksheet protection is off (Tools menu) so the locked cell formats have no effect. This is the part that confuses some people; it seems to work backwards to expectations, but the way it works actually makes it less work to use, once you get used to it. Here's what you do: select all the cells you want the user to be able to edit, either one range at a time or all together using the Control key, and go ...

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers) 1. Illiterate? Write today for free help. (man....if only I knew A B C....) :d 2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again. (sure...thanx for the warning!) :d 3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred. (in months or years?) :d 4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first. (check it out) :d 5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children. (howwww sweeeet) :d 6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel. (wow! A free trip to heaven?) :d 7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it. (uh...huh!) :d 8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink. (hey....who taught cows the bad habit??) 9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand. (nice work!) :d

Girls Collage mai Strike ho gai,Sabhi girls Nare Laga rahi hai, Girls k satth Boys bhi unka satth de rahe hai, Girls ne Nare lagate huye "HAMARI MANGE...., Piche se Awaz aye,"SINDUR SE BHARO....". ............................................... Wife : Ek baat bolu?? Husband : Bolo Wife : Maaroge to nahi? Husbund : Nahi to, kya baat hai? Wife : mai pregnant hun Husband : Hurray!!! Its gud news, dar kyu rahi thi?? Wife : College ke dino mai papa ko bataya tha to badi maar padi thi. ............................................... Lalu Goes 2A Shop & Asks: A Bandarva Ka Photu Kitne Ka He Re? Shopkepper: Woh Phutwa Nahin Sahib Wo To Seesa (Mirror) He! ............................................... Sweetest Proposal by a kg class Boy Boy:Kya tu mujhse shadi kalegi? Gal:Nahi Boy:Kalle na plz Gal:nahi mai nahi kalungi....... Boy:kall na didi plzzzzzzzzzz ...............................................

The run option of Start menu is used to run a program or to open a document directly. If you Do not know the exact location of the program or document then click on Start button to open Run and type the programs shortcut name to open it directly. Run Commands Appwiz.cpl -- Used to run Add/Remove wizard Calc --Calculator Cfgwiz32 --ISDN Configuration Wizard Charmap --Character Map Chkdisk --Repair damaged files Cleanmgr --Cleans up hard drives Clipbrd --Windows Clipboard viewer Control --Displays Control Panel Cmd --Opens a new Command Window Control mouse --Used to control mouse properties Dcomcnfg --DCOM user security Debug --Assembly language programming tool Defrag --Defragmentation tool Drwatson --Records programs crash & snapshots Dxdiag --DirectX Diagnostic Utility Explorer --Windows Explorer Fontview --Graphical font viewer Fsmgmt.msc -- Used to open shared folders Firewall.cpl -- Used to configure windows firewall Ftp -FTP.exe program Hostname --Returns Computer's name...

Story 1 It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk. Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken" Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you" Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more." Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed" Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches" Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed" The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself. Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun. Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken...

A man was sick and tired of goingto work every day while his wife stayed home. He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed: "Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home. I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen. God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man'swish. The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman. He arose, cooked breakfast forhis mate, awakened the kids, Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches, Drove them to school, came home andpicked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping, Then drove home to put away the groceries, Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook. He cleaned the cat's litter box andbathed the dog. Then it was already 1 P.M.and he hurried to make the beds,do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor. Ran to ...

Dear Manager (HR), Vimal, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Vimal works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vimal never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Vimal takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Vimal is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vimal can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vimal be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be sent away as soon as possible. Signed - Project Leader NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him. ***********

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa. She is half discovered, half wild. Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America. Fully discovered and scientifically perfect. Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan. Very hot, wise and beautiful !!!!!!!!! Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France. She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable. Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany. She lost the war but not the hope. Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia. Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there. Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England. With a glorious past but no future. After 70, they become Siberia. Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

Just to let you know that I went to heaven and back... Oh right then! Straight to the point! I want you right here, right now! ..................................... Your daddy must be a terrorist. Because you are....... DA BOMB! ..................................... What is life ? Life is love. Whats love ? Love is kissing. Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you. ..................................... If I could rearrange the alphabet, I'd put "U" and "I" together. ..................................... Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent, Spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends, Charming, funny, Well...Enough about ME! How about you? .....................................

An emperor in the Far East was growing old and knew it was time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or his children, he decided something different. He called young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you." The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it and come back here after one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next emperor!" One boy named Ling was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the story. She helped him get a pot and planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. A...

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door, Ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene, The lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW. "Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined. "You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer, "You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!" "Oh my gooood....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex???!!!!!"

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs.The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, "There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs--millions of them. They croak all during the night and are about to drive me crazy!" So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant five hundred at a time for the next several weeks. The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, "Well...where are all the frogs?" The farmer said, "I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!" Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also--remember that problems always seem bigger in t...