Motherboard

The motherboard is the heart of the computer, every part of the computer relies on the motherboard to function correctly.

It maintains connection between every PC component and ensures that things are operating smoothly between them.

Many signs of motherboard failure is that the computer won't boot up, not reaching the POST test, erratic system behavior, different combinations of components not working. The motherboard is the heart of the computer, every part of the computer relies on the motherboard to function correctly.

It maintains connection between every PC component and ensures that things are operating smoothly between them.

Many signs of motherboard failure is that the computer won't boot up, not reaching the POST test, erratic system behavior, different combinations of components not working.

Because everything is connected to the motherboard certain parts may or may not work correctly if the motherboard is faulty so be sure to test those parts before thinking they're dead and getting new ones.

Be sure to do a visual inspection of the motherboard to make sure all cables are seated properly, the fans are spinning, and that the CMOS battery is in it's proper place.

Also check for any broken or leaking capacitors, those can immediately render a motherboard dead.

Make sure that all of the jumpers are set correctly as well, you should be able to find jumper information in your motherboard's manual, and if you don't have the manual you should be able to find the manual on the Internet at the motherboard manufacturer's website.

Many of the problems caused by a bad motherboard is also similar to problems caused by a faulty or dying power supply, so be sure to check if the power supply is faulty or swap it out for another to see if your problem is fixed.

If you have a spare motherboard you can try swapping out the motherboard to see if that solves your problem, if that's the case then the motherboard is most likely faulty.

If you think the motherboard is faulty and it is still in warranty you should be able to send it back to the manufacturer for a new one with no hassle, sometimes they might even pay for the shipping & handling if it is a big problem that is happening with a certain line of motherboards.

Make sure that when you open a motherboard you keep all of the packaging and the box, and if there are any stickers that will void the warranty if removed make sure you do NOT remove them, so that way it is easier to send back.

Computer maintenance tips

With the amount of information available for download on the Internet, it's easy to quickly fill up your valuable hard drive space and turn your computer into a sluggish, unresponsive monster. Keeping your hard drive clean is essential to the high performance that the latest computers can achieve. Fortunately, it's a simple process; one that can easily be performed on a regular basis and, with some organization, keep your computer running like a well-oiled machine.


You can discover how much hard drive space is available on your computer by accessing the DriveSpace program in your System Tools. A pie graph will show you the amount of used and unused space for each of your drives. Check this often to keep an idea of how much space you are using.

There are six simple steps to clearing up your hard drive:

1. Uninstall unused programs.

Many times a new program will come along that looks fun to have or play with, but after a week or two you simply stop using it. These programs clutter up your drive and take up valuable space. You might be tempted to delete these programs from your drive, but doing so will cause problems. You must use the uninstall function of Windows for the program to be removed safely and completely.

2. Clean out temporary files.

When your computer is not shut down properly, it will pass information from memory into fragmented files. Also, while you are running programs, your computer will write information that it does not immediately need into temporary files. Installation files will also expand themselves into the temporary folder and will not always clean up after themselves. You can delete these temporary files safely by using the Disk Cleanup option in your System Tools.

3. Empty your Internet cache.

As you surf the Internet your computer stores web pages and images into a temporary Internet cache so that it can quickly recall and access information when you move back and forth between pages. This backup information can quickly add up and eat hard drive space.

Whether you use Internet Explorer, Netscape, or one of the many other browsers available, emptying out your cache is quick and easy. Simply follow the instructions in the Help files located within those programs. You may also wish to set a specific maximum file size for your cache folder, so that it is not allowed to run rampant.

4. Empty your mail programs of clutter.

It's easy to browse through your email and leave old messages there, promising yourself you'll sort them out later. One or two messages don't take up much space, but hundreds certainly do. Take the time to sort through these old emails now and delete what is not important. Create folders and organize what is left. Make it a habit that when new emails come in, they are either filed immediately or thrown away. Set your email program to empty your deleted items folder each time you close your mail program.

5. Empty your recycle bin.

Once you've emptied your drive of cluttering, unnecessary programs; empty your recycle bin to remove what has been placed there in the process.

6. Scandisk and Defrag.

When Windows installs programs, it will put the files it needs anywhere that it finds free space, and not directly after the last program installed. As a result, your hard drive has patches of empty space on it that are not big enough to fit a full program, and will result in a drive space error if you attempt to install something new. Scandisk your drive to check for lost file fragments and to fix any errors it finds, then Defrag to pack all of the program files together at the beginning of your drive. This will clear out those empty patches and move all of the free space you've just created to the end of your drive.

Now that you've got it clean, keep it that way. Perform this quick maintenance routine every week. For your work computer, Friday afternoon before you leave for the weekend is the perfect time. When you return to work on Monday, you'll have a computer that is clutter-free and as responsive as it should be.

Organize your surfing habits. Direct all of your downloads to the same folder, so that you can easily find them and delete them when necessary, or move them to zip disks for storage. Keep track of the programs that you install. For trial versions, note the date that they will expire on a calendar. This will remind you to uninstall the programs that you can no longer use rather than allowing them to clutter up your drive. Also, if you run into problems, keeping track of new downloaded and installed programs and the date they were installed can help you track down the cause of problems.

Remember that the cleaner your hard drive is, the better your machine will respond! In order for your computer to be user friendly, it must have a friendly user. Be your computer's best friend and clean out the cobwebs regularly.

Zindagi dene vale marta

Zindagi dene vale marta chod gye,

Apnapan jatane vale tanha chod gye,

Jab padi zarurat hume apne humsafar ki 

Vo jo saath chalne vale apna rasta mod gaye ...

.....................................

Gunah karke saza se darte hain, 

Zahar pee ke dawa se darte hain, 

Dushmano ke sitam ka khauff nahi, 

Hum toh doston ki wafa se darte hain.

.....................................

Koi achhi si saza do mujhko,

Chalo aisa karo bhula do mujhko,

Tumse bichdu to maut aa jaye,

Dil ki gehraiyon se aisi dua do mujh ko.

.....................................

Na puch mere sabar ki inteha kaha tak hai,

Tu sitam kar le teri hasrat jahan tak hai,

Wafa ki umeed jinhe hogi unhe hogi,

Hume to dekhna hai tu bewafa kahan tak hai.

.....................................

300%

A woman goes to her doctor, complaining that her husband is 300% impotent. 

The doctor says, "I'm not sure I understand what you mean." 

She says, "Well, the first 100% you can imagine. In addition, he burned his tongue and broke his finger!"

.........................................

 

Husband: Jee karta hai ki tumhari zulfon mein kho jaaon, 

tumhare aankhon mein bas jaaon, 

tumhari bahon mein jhool jaon.

Wife: Neeche kya mohalle wale ghusengey?

.........................................

 

Rosemary divorced Mr.Lele b'coz she was sick of telling her name,"Roz Meri Lele."

Imagine her tough luck, she was re-married to Mr. Marlow

.........................................

 

Unborn twins in the mother's stomach saw a penis.

1st Baby: Dekh Papa aa rahe hai.

2nd: Abe stupid, ye pados wale uncle hai, papa kabhi raincoat nahi pehante.

.........................................

Five More Minutes

While at the park one day, a woman sat down next to a man on a bench near a playground. That's my son over there, she said, pointing to a little boy in a red sweater who was gliding down the slide.

He's a fine looking boy, the man said. That's my son on the swing in the blue sweater. Then, looking at his watch, he called to his son. What do you say we go, Todd

Todd pleaded, Just five more minutes, Dad. Please Just five more minutes. The man nodded and Todd continued to swing to his heart's content.

Minutes passed and the father stood and called again to his son. Time to go now Again Todd pleaded, Five more minutes, Dad. Just five more minutes.

The man smiled and said, O.K.

My, you certainly are a patient father, the woman responded.

The man smiled and then said, My older son Tommy was killed by a drunk driver last year while he was riding his bike near here. I never spent much time with Tommy and now I'd give anything for just five more minutes with him. I've vowed not to make the same mistake with Todd. He thinks he has five more minutes to swing. The truth is, I get Five more minutes to watch

 

*********

How to break into audit mode during a manual install of Windows Vista.

Audit mode is a mode of Windows Setup that lets you bypass Windows Welcome so you can quickly access the desktop. 

Audit mode is usually entered by running sysprep /audit command or using an answer file setting during unattended installation. 

But if you install Windows Vista manually on a computer, you can also break into audit mode when the Windows Welcome screen appears by pressing CTRL+SHFT+F3. 

This lets you get to the desktop quickly so you can add drivers, install applications, and do other stuff without having to go through all the steps of Windows Welcome.

Funny 10 phone answering mesaages

10. My wife and I can't come to the phone right now, but if you'll leave your name and number, we'll get back to you as soon as we're finished.

 

9. Hello, you are talking to a machine. I am capable of receiving messages. My owners do not need siding, windows or a hot tub, and their carpets are clean. They give to charity at the office and don't need their picture taken.  If you're still with me, leave your name and home phone number and they will get back to you.

 

8. This is not an answering machine - this is a telepathic thought-recording device. After the tone, think about your name, your number, and your reason for calling..... And I'll think about returning your call.

 

7. Hi! John's answering machine is broken. This is his refrigerator.  Please speak very slowly, and I'll stick your message to myself with one of these magnets.

 

6. Hi. This is John: If you are the phone company, I already sent the money. If you are my parents, please send money.  If you are my bank, you didn't lend me enough money. If you are my friends, you owe me money.  If you are a female, don't worry, I have LOTS of money.

 

5. A is for academics, B is for beer. One of those reasons is why we're not here. So, leave a message.

 

4. Hello! If you leave a message, I'll call you soon. If you leave a "sexy" message, I'll call sooner.

 

3. Hi. Now YOU say something.

 

2. Hi. I'm probably home; I'm just avoiding someone I don't like.  Leave me a message, and if I don't call back, it's you.

 

1. Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't pick up the phone right now, because we're doing something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and down, and I like doing it left to right...real slow. So leave a message, and when we're done brushing our teeth, we'll call you back.

Confidence & Self Esteem

Confidence and Self-Esteem were best friends. They went everywhere together. If Confidence bought a new dress, Self-Esteem bought one just like it. They were very close.

One day a new kid came to their school. His name was Peer Pressure. He had a friend called Hateful Words. They decided to give Confidence a hard time.

They constantly teased her. They forced her to do terrible things. It was so terrible that Confidence lost Self-Esteem. When Self-Esteem wanted to start some classes, Confidence said they wouldn't be any good.

Then one day, Peer Pressure introduced Confidence to Doubt. He wanted to ruin Confidence, but Peer Pressure said he couldn't yet. Self Esteem couldn't understand what was wrong with Confidence. Confidence now hung around with Depression, Low Self-Esteem, and Overeating.

These girls were friends of Peer Pressure. Self-Esteem no longer had any friends. She no longer felt good about herself. She went to see her Imaam. Imaam Good Words told her how to talk to Confidence. He introduced her to his daughter, Encouragement.

Encouragement and Self-Esteem went to find Confidence. Self Esteem hoped she wasn't too late. The girls found Confidence in a stupor. She was no longer a vibrant, happy young girl. There were dark circles under her eyes. She had gained so much weight from eating that she couldn't move.

Encouragement gasped and Self-Esteem cried. She begged Encouragement to do something.

Encouragement began to hug Confidence. She kissed her and loved her. She told her that she was a beautiful young lady who had a lot going for her.

Encouragement held Confidence so tightly that Self-Esteem thought she would smother her. Confidence began to cry. As she cried, she seemed to lose weight. Then a bright light suddenly glowed from Confidence and she began to smile.

Peer Pressure and his friends didn't like what Encouragement was doing and tried to attack her. They hit at her and pulled at her, but they couldn't pull her away from Confidence. Then Confidence began to speak.

"Get away from me, Peer Pressure. Take your friends and go. You no longer have any power over me." Confidence was now a glowing light. She and her friends made sure that Peer Pressure and his gang never bothered anyone in their town again.

 

***********

If you feel that Encouragement is not your friend, then try to find Encouragement in yourself. Self-Esteem and Confidence will follow.

***********

Fisherman

There is this Fisherman, Let's call him Vishy (rhymes with Fishy).

Vishy goes out fishing each morning, casts his net and gathers his catch and sells them in the market and makes a living out of it.

On one occasion he gets up too early and sleep eludes him. So he decides to go fishing any way it's too dark to go fishing so he strolls by the Bank of the River and waits for the Sun to appear he stumbles upon a sack.

This sack is a bit heavy and there were some pebbles in it Now, when u have a river and a sack of pebbles and a lot of time to kill, the logical thing to do is to throw the pebbles into the river Vishy did just the same He tried all the things we do Throwing it as far as possible, as high as possible, make the pebbles bounce as many times an possible.....

Now with just one stone remaining, the sun rose the stone in his hand began to glow as well damn! The stone was a diamond!!!!

That's when he realized that all those pebbles he had thrown away were actually Precious Stones!!!

Moral is ...

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Don't get up too early in the morning :-)

Modern Panchtantra Story [ IT HUMOR ]

Once upon a time, there was a software engineer who used to develop programs on his Pentium machine, sitting under a tree on the banks of a river. He used to earn his bread by selling those programs in the Sunday market.

One day, while he was working, his machine tumbled off the table and fell in the river. Encouraged by the Panchatantra story of his childhood (the woodcutter and the axe),

He started praying to the River Goddess. The River Goddess wanted to test him and so appeared only after one month of rigorous prayers. The engineer told her that he had lost his computer in the river.

As usual, the Goddess wanted to test his honesty. She showed him a match box and asked, "Is this your computer ?" Disappointed by the Goddess' lack of computer awareness, the engineer replied, "No."

She next showed him a pocket-sized calculator and asked if that was his.

Annoyed, the engineer said "No, not at all!!"

Finally, she came up with his own Pentium machine and asked if it was his.

The engineer, left with no option, sighed and said "Yes."

The River Goddess was happy with his honesty. She was about to give

Him all three items, but before she could make the offer, the engineer

Asked her, "Don't you know that you're supposed to show me some better computers before bringing up my own ?"

The River Goddess, angered at this, replied, "I know that, you stupid donkey! The first two things I showed you were the Trillennium and the Billennium, the latest computers from IBM !". So saying, she disappeared with the Pentium!!

 

Moral : If you're not up-to-date with technology trends, it's better to keep your mouth shut and let people think you're a fool than to open your mouth and remove all doubt.

Ek ladki thi diwani si

Ek ladki thi diwani si, sunder si lambi si, 

Nazrein jhukake sharmake galion se guzra karti thi 

Latak matak chalti thi, aur kaha karti thi, 

Bartan Lelo Bartan....

..............................................

Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain 

Vo aaj bhi hume dekh kar muskurate hain 

Yeh to unke bachche hee kaminey hain, 

Jo Mama Mama kehke bulaate hain :)

..............................................

Shaam hote hi ye Dil udaas hota hai

Toote khwaboo ke siwa kuch na pass hota hai

Tumahri yaad aise waqt bohat aati hai

Bandar jab koi aas-paas hota hai..

..............................................

Dekha tujhe to rooh khush ho gayi,

Ek kami thi vo bhi puri ho gayi,

Pagal hain vo log jo kehte hain ki,

Chimpanzi ki aakhri nasal kahin kho gayi!!

..............................................

Avoid Win XP Re-activation

The time may come that you'll need to reinstall your Windows XP. It could happen. Maybe you'll add a new motherboard or hard drive. Maybe you'll get constant errors and problems that just won't go away. Or perhaps you're a neat freak who wants to rid yourself of clutter and start fresh with a clean operating system. If you do reinstall Windows XP, then you'll need to re-activate it too—that is, unless you keep this tip handy ;-)

See, the first time you activated XP it created a file called "wpa.dbl" that lives in the WINDOWS\system32 folder. By creating a backup of this file on disk, you can simply put it back into the folder after reinstalling XP and avoid the whole re-activation hassle. Here's how...

Go to My Computer then select your Hard Drive (usually drive C). Goto the WINDOWS\system32 folder and scroll way down until you find the wpa.dbl file.

Right-click and choose "Send To" then either Floppy Drive (make sure you have a disk in) or CD-R/RW.

Now, when you reinstall Windows XP you'll come to the activation screen—decline to activate and let the install finish.

Restart your computer in Safe Mode (keep hitting F8 at start-up then when the Advanced Boot Options menu appears arrow down to Safe Mode).

Find your way back to the WINDOWS\system32 folder. It's a good idea to rename the wpa.dbl file you're replacing just in case you run into problems, so call it something like "wpa.nothing".

Get the backup disk and copy the old wpa.dbl file back to the WINDOWS\system32 folder and reboot.

There you go—XP is up and running again.

P.S. Your wpa.dbl file might NOT work on another computer.

How to Protect Worksheets in Excel

The best use of the Excel protection system is to prevent a data entry person from accidentally damaging formulas or formatting in your spreadsheet file. Passwords aren't needed for this purpose.

Worksheet protection

There are two different menu locations that together control worksheet protection:

* Format, Cells, Protection, with a check box labeled Locked, to choose which cells the user will be able to modify when the sheet is protected
* Tools, Protection, Protect Sheet to toggle sheet protection on and off In a new blank worksheet all cells are formatted Locked, but worksheet protection is off (Tools menu) so the locked cell formats have no effect. This is the part that confuses some people; it seems to work backwards to expectations, but the way it works actually makes it less work to use, once you get used to it.

Here's what you do: select all the cells you want the user to be able to edit, either one range at a time or all together using the Control key, and go to Format Cells Protection and uncheck Locked. Then you can go to Tools Protection and turn on sheet protection. The user will only be able to type in the cells you formatted unlocked; if they try to change a locked cell, deliberately or by accident, they'll get an error dialog.


Workbook protection

To prevent the user from deleting or inserting worksheet tabs, go to Tools, Protection, Protect Workbook. In both this dialog and the Protect Sheet dialog, most of the time you won't need to change any check box options.

When either sheet or workbook protection is on, the submenu item at Tools Protection (pictured above) will say "Unprotect Sheet" or "Unprotect Workbook" instead of "Protect."

Top 9 Funniest News paper Classifieds

(Actual excerpts from classified sections of city newspapers)


1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.

(man....if only I knew A B C....) :d


2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once; you'll never go anywhere again.

(sure...thanx for the warning!) :d


3. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

(in months or years?) :d


4. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

(check it out) :d


5. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

(howwww sweeeet) :d


6. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

(wow! A free trip to heaven?) :d


7. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

(uh...huh!) :d


8. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

(hey....who taught cows the bad habit??)


9. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

(nice work!) :d

Boys never change

Girls Collage mai Strike ho gai,Sabhi girls Nare Laga rahi hai,
Girls k satth Boys bhi unka satth de rahe hai,
Girls ne Nare lagate huye "HAMARI MANGE....,
Piche se Awaz aye,"SINDUR SE BHARO....".
...............................................

Wife : Ek baat bolu??
Husband : Bolo
Wife : Maaroge to nahi?
Husbund : Nahi to, kya baat hai?
Wife : mai pregnant hun
Husband : Hurray!!! Its gud news, dar kyu rahi thi??
Wife : College ke dino mai papa ko bataya tha to badi maar padi thi.
...............................................

Lalu Goes 2A Shop & Asks:
A Bandarva Ka Photu Kitne Ka He Re?
Shopkepper: Woh Phutwa Nahin Sahib
Wo To Seesa (Mirror) He!
...............................................

Sweetest Proposal by a kg class Boy
Boy:Kya tu mujhse shadi kalegi?
Gal:Nahi
Boy:Kalle na plz
Gal:nahi mai nahi kalungi.......
Boy:kall na didi plzzzzzzzzzz
...............................................

How to start windows programs quickly with Run Command...?

The run option of Start menu is used to run a program or to open a document directly. If you

Do not know the exact location of the program or document then click on Start button to open

Run and type the programs shortcut name to open it directly.

Run Commands

Appwiz.cpl -- Used to run Add/Remove wizard

Calc --Calculator

Cfgwiz32 --ISDN Configuration Wizard

Charmap --Character Map

Chkdisk --Repair damaged files

Cleanmgr --Cleans up hard drives

Clipbrd --Windows Clipboard viewer

Control --Displays Control Panel

Cmd --Opens a new Command Window

Control mouse --Used to control mouse properties

Dcomcnfg --DCOM user security

Debug --Assembly language programming tool

Defrag --Defragmentation tool

Drwatson --Records programs crash & snapshots

Dxdiag --DirectX Diagnostic Utility

Explorer --Windows Explorer

Fontview --Graphical font viewer

Fsmgmt.msc -- Used to open shared folders

Firewall.cpl -- Used to configure windows firewall

Ftp -FTP.exe program

Hostname --Returns Computer's name

Hdwwiz.cpl -- Used to run Add Hardware wizard

Ipconfig --Displays IP configuration for all network adapters

Logoff -- Used to logoff the computer

MMC --Microsoft Management Console

Msconfig --Configuration to edit startup files

Mstsc -- Used to access remote desktop

Mrc -- Malicious Software Removal Tool

Msinfo32 --Microsoft System Information Utility

Nbtstat --Displays stats and current connections using NetBIOS over TCP/IP

Netstat --Displays all active network connections

Nslookup--Returns your local DNS server

Osk ---Used to access on screen keyboard

Perfmon.msc -- Used to configure the performance of Monitor.

Ping --Sends data to a specified host/IP

Powercfg.cpl -- Used to configure power option

Regedit --Registry Editor

Regwiz -- Registration wizard

Sfc /scannow -- System File Checker

Sndrec32 --Sound Recorder

Shutdown -- Used to shutdown the windows

Spider -- Used to open spider solitaire card game

Sfc / scannow -- Used to run system file checker utility.

Sndvol32 --Volume control for soundcard

Sysedit -- Edit system startup files

Taskmgr --Task manager

Telephon.cpl -- Used to configure modem options.

Telnet --Telnet program

Tracert --Traces and displays all paths required to reach an Internet host

Winchat -- Used to chat with Microsoft

Wmplayer -- Used to run Windows Media player

Wab -- Used to open Windows address Book.

WinWord -- Used to open Microsoft word

Winipcfg --Displays IP configuration

Winver -- Used to check Windows Version

Wupdmgr --Takes you to Microsoft Windows Update

Write -- Used to open WordPad

Management Stories

Story 1

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a lion is sitting outside his cave, lying lazily in the sun. Along comes a fox, out on a walk.

Fox: "Do you know the time, because my watch is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix the watch for you"
Fox: "Hmm... But it's a very complicated mechanism, and your big claws will only destroy it even more."
Lion: "Oh no, give it to me, and it will be fixed"
Fox: "That's ridiculous! Any fool knows that lazy lions with great claws cannot fix complicated watches"
Lion: "Sure they do, give it to me and it will be fixed"

The lion disappears into his cave, and after a while he comes back with the watch which is running perfectly. The fox is impressed, and the lion continues to lie lazily in the sun, looking very pleased with himself.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the lazy lion in the sun.

Wolf: "Can I come and watch TV tonight with you, because mine is broken"
Lion: "Oh, I can easily fix your TV for you"
Wolf: "You don't expect me to believe such rubbish, do you? There is no way that a lazy lion with big claws can fix a complicated TV.
Lion: "No problem. Do you want to try it?"

The lion goes into his cave, and after a while comes back with a perfectly fixed TV. The wolf goes away happily and amazed.

Scene : Inside the lion's cave. In one corner are half a dozen small and intelligent looking rabbits who are busily doing very complicated work with very detailed instruments. In the other corner lies a huge lion looking very pleased with himself.

Moral : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY A MANAGER IS FAMOUS; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world : IF YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY SOMEONE UNDESERVED IS PROMOTED; LOOK AT THE WORK OF HIS SUBORDINATES


Story 2

It's a fine sunny day in the forest and a rabbit is sitting outside his burrow, tippy-tapping on his typewriter. Along comes a fox, out for a walk.

Fox: "What are you working on?"
Rabbit: "My thesis."
Fox: "Hmm... What is it about?"
Rabbit: "Oh, I'm writing about how rabbits eat foxes."
Fox: "That's ridiculous ! Any fool knows that rabbits don't eat foxes!
Rabbit: "Come with me and I'll show you!"

They both disappear into the rabbit's burrow. After few minutes, gnawing on a fox bone, the rabbit returns to his typewriter and resumes typing.

Soon a wolf comes along and stops to watch the hardworking rabbit.
Wolf: "What's that you are writing?"
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat wolves."
Wolf: "you don't expect to get such rubbish published, do you?"
Rabbit: "No problem. Do you want to see why?"

The rabbit and the wolf go into the burrow and again the rabbit returns by himself, after a few minutes, and goes back to typing.
Finally a bear comes along and asks, "What are you doing?
Rabbit: "I'm doing a thesis on how rabbits eat bears."
Bear: "Well that's absurd !"
Rabbit: "Come into my home and I'll show you"

Scene : As they enter the burrow, the rabbit introduces the bear to the lion.

Moral: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW SILLY YOUR THESIS TOPIC IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHOM YOU HAVE AS A SUPERVISOR.

Management Lesson in the context of the working world: IT DOESN'T MATTER HOW BAD YOUR PERFORMANCE IS; WHAT MATTERS IS WHETHER YOUR BOSS LIKES YOU OR NOT

God please ! Make me women

A man was sick and tired of goingto work every day while his wife stayed home.

He wanted her to see what he went through so he prayed:

"Dear Lord: I go to work every day and put in 8 hours while my wife merely stays at home.

I want her to know what I go through, so please allow her body to switch with mine for a day. Amen.

God, in his infinite wisdom, granted the man'swish.

The next morning, sure enough, the man awoke as a woman.

He arose, cooked breakfast forhis mate, awakened the kids,

Set out their school clothes, fed them breakfast, packed their lunches,

Drove them to school, came home andpicked up the dry cleaning, took it to the cleaners

And stopped at the bank to make a deposit, went grocery shopping,

Then drove home to put away the groceries,

Paid the bills and balanced the checkbook.

He cleaned the cat's litter box andbathed the dog.

Then it was already 1 P.M.and he hurried to make the beds,do the laundry, vacuum, dust, and sweep and mop the kitchen floor.

Ran to the school to pick up the kids and got into an argument with them on the way home.

Set out milk and cookies and got the kids organized to do their homework,

Then set up the ironing board and watched TV while he did the ironing.

At 4:30 he began peelingpotatoes and washing vegetables for salad, breaded the pork chops and snapped fresh beans for supper.

After supper, he cleaned the kitchen, ran the dishwasher, folded laundry, bathed the kids, and put them to bed. At 9 P.M. He was exhausted

And, though his daily chores weren'tfinished, he went to bed where he was expected to make love, which he managed to get through without complaint.

The next morning, he awoke and immediately knelt by the bed and said, Lord,

I don't know what I was thinking. Iwas so wrong to envy my wife's being able to stay home all day. Please, oh please, let us trade back."

The Lord, in his infinite wisdom, replied, "My son, I feel you have learned

Your lesson and I will be happy to change things back to the way they were.

You'll just have to wait nine months,though. You got pregnant last night."

Appraisal letter : with encryption.....

Dear Manager (HR),

Vimal, my assistant programmer, can always be found hard at work in his cubicle. Vimal works independently, without wasting company time talking to colleagues. Vimal never thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always finishes given assignments on time. Often Vimal takes extended measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee breaks. Vimal is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Vimal can be classed as a high-calibre employee, the type which cannot be dispensed with. Consequently, I duly recommend that Vimal be promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be sent away as soon as possible.

Signed - Project Leader


NB: That stupid idiot was reading over my shoulder when I wrote the report sent to you earlier today. Kindly read only the odd lines (1, 3, 5, 7, 9,11, 13) for my true assessment of him.

***********

GEOGRAPHY OF WOMEN

Between the ages of 15 - 20 a woman is like Africa.
She is half discovered, half wild.

Between the ages of 20 - 30 a woman is like America.
Fully discovered and scientifically perfect.

Between the ages of 30 - 35, she is like India & Japan.
Very hot, wise and beautiful !!!!!!!!!

Between the ages of 35 - 40 a woman is like France.
She is half destroyed after the war but still desirable.

Between the ages of 40 - 50 she is like Germany.
She lost the war but not the hope.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia.
Very wide, very quiet but nobody goes there.

Between the ages of 60 - 70 a woman is like England.
With a glorious past but no future.

After 70, they become Siberia.
Everyone knows where it is, but no one wants to go there.

Straight

Just to let you know that I went to heaven and back...

Oh right then!

Straight to the point! I want you right here, right now!
.....................................

Your daddy must be a terrorist.

Because you are....... DA BOMB!
.....................................

What is life ? Life is love.
Whats love ? Love is kissing.
Whats kissing ? Come here and I show you.
.....................................

If I could rearrange the alphabet,

I'd put "U" and "I" together.
.....................................

Handsome, Sweet, Intelligent,
Spontaneous, good-looking, nice friends,
Charming, funny,

Well...Enough about ME!
How about you?
.....................................

The Emperor

An emperor in the Far East was growing old and knew it was time to choose his successor. Instead of choosing one of his assistants or his children, he decided something different. He called young people in the kingdom together one day. He said, "It is time for me to step down and choose the next emperor. I have decided to choose one of you."

The kids were shocked! But the emperor continued. "I am going to give each one of you a seed today. One very special seed. I want you to plant the seed, water it and come back here after one year from today with what you have grown from this one seed. I will then judge the plants that you bring, and the one I choose will be the next emperor!"

One boy named Ling was there that day and he, like the others, received a seed. He went home and excitedly told his mother the story. She helped him get a pot and planting soil, and he planted the seed and watered it carefully. Every day he would water it and watch to see if it had grown. After about three weeks, some of the other youths began to talk about their seeds and the plants that were beginning to grow.

Ling kept checking his seed, but nothing ever grew. 3 weeks, 4 weeks, 5 weeks went by. Still nothing. By now, others were talking about their plants but Ling didn't have a plant, and he felt like a failure. Six months went by, still nothing in Ling's pot. He just knew he had killed his seed.

Everyone else had trees and tall plants, but he had nothing. Ling didn't say anything to his friends, however. He just kept waiting for his seed to grow.

A year finally went by and all the youths of the kingdom brought their plants to the emperor for inspection. Ling told his mother that he wasn't going to take an empty pot. But honest about what happened, Ling felt sick to his stomach, but he knew his mother was right.

He took his empty pot to the palace. When Ling arrived, he was amazed at the variety of plants grown by the other youths. They were beautiful in all shapes and sizes. Ling put his empty pot on the floor and many of the other kinds laughed at him. A few felt sorry for him and just said, "Hey nice try."

When the emperor arrived, he surveyed the room and greeted the young people. Ling just tried to hide in the back. "What great plants, trees and flowers you have grown," said the emperor. "Today, one of you will be appointed the next emperor!" All of a sudden, the emperor spotted Ling at the back of the room with his empty pot. He ordered his guards to bring him to the front. Ling was terrified. "The emperor knows I'm a failure! Maybe he will have me killed!"

When Ling got to the front, the Emperor asked his name. "My name is Ling," he replied. All the kids were laughing and making fun of him. The emperor asked everyone to quiet down. He looked at Ling, and then announced to the crowd, "Behold your new emperor! His name is Ling!" Ling couldn't believe it. Ling couldn't even grow his seed. How could he be the new emperor?

Then the emperor said, "One year ago today, I gave everyone here a seed. I told you to take the seed, plant it, water it, and bring it back to me today. But I gave you all boiled seeds, which would not grow. All of you, except Ling, have brought me trees and plants and flowers. When you found that the seed would not grow, you substituted another seed for the one I gave you. Ling was the only one with the courage and honesty to bring me a pot with my seed in it. Therefore, he is the one who will be the new emperor!"

*********

If you plant honesty, you will reap trust.
If you plant goodness, you will reap friends.
If you plant humility, you will reap greatness.
If you plant perseverance, you will reap victory.
If you plant consideration, you will reap harmony.
If you plant hard work, you will reap success.
If you plant forgiveness, you will reap reconciliation.
If you plant openness, you will reap intimacy.
If you plant patience, you will reap improvements.
If you plant faith, you will reap miracles.

But

If you plant dishonesty, you will reap distrust.
If you plant selfishness, you will reap loneliness.
If you plant pride, you will reap destruction.
If you plant envy, you will reap trouble.
If you plant laziness, you will reap stagnation.
If you plant bitterness, you will reap isolation.
If you plant greed, you will reap loss.
If you plant gossip, you will reap enemies.
If you plant worries, you will reap wrinkles.
If you plant sin, you will reap guilt.

*********

So be careful what you plant now, It will determine what you will reap tomorrow, The seeds you now scatter, Will make life worse or better, your life or the ones who will come after. Yes, someday, you will enjoy the fruits, or you will pay for the choices you plant today.

*********

Laywer's BMW

A lawyer opened the door of his BMW, when suddenly a car came along and hit the door,

Ripping it off completely. When the police arrived at the scene,

The lawyer was complaining bitterly about the damage to his precious BMW.

"Officer, look what they've done to my Beeeemer!!!", he whined.

"You lawyers are so materialistic, you make me sick!!!" retorted the officer,

"You're so worried about your stupid BMW, that you didn't even notice that your left arm was ripped off!!!"

"Oh my gooood....", replied the lawyer, finally noticing the bloody left shoulder where his arm once was, "Where's my Rolex???!!!!!"

A Million Frogs

A farmer came into town and asked the owner of a restaurant if he could use a million frog legs.The restaurant owner was shocked and asked the man where he could get so many frog legs! The farmer replied, "There is a pond near my house that is full of frogs--millions of them. They croak all during the night and are about to drive me crazy!"

So the restaurant owner and the farmer made an agreement that the farmer would deliver frogs to the restaurant five hundred at a time for the next several weeks.

The first week, the farmer returned to the restaurant looking rather sheepish, with two scrawny little frogs. The restaurant owner said, "Well...where are all the frogs?" The farmer said, "I was mistaken. There were only these two frogs in the pond. But they sure were making a lot of noise!"

Next time you hear somebody criticizing or making fun of you, remember it's probably just a couple of noisy frogs. Also--remember that problems always seem bigger in the dark.

Have you ever lain in your bed at might worrying about things which seem almost overwhelming--like a million frogs croaking? Chances are pretty good that when the morning comes, and you take a closer look, you'll wonder what all the fuss was about.

Beach

Two men were in conversation on the beach :

M1: Ise 'beach' kyo kaheete hai ?
M2: Tumhe nahe pata ?

M1: Nahi pata.
M2: Woh to Aasmaan aur Zameen ke beech mein hai isliye eesay beach kahete hai...
................................................

Beggar: Saab 12Rs do na coffee peeni hai.
Man: Lekin coffee to 6Rs ki hai?
Beggar: Par saab girlfrend bhi to hai.
Man: Bhikari hokar bhi GF banali.
Beggar: Na saab,GF ne Bhikari bana diya!
................................................

Dosti karo college wali se,
Ishq karo office wali se,
Flirt karo pados wali se,
Pyaar karo dilwali se,
Aankh larao sali se,
Aur maar khao ghar wali se.
................................................

Safar lamba hai dost banate rahiye,
Dil mile na mile haath badate rahiye,

Taj na banaiye costly padega,
Har taraf Mumtaj banate rahiye.
................................................

Don't Judge to Quickly

There was a man who had four sons. He wanted his sons to learn not to judge things too quickly. So he sent them each on a quest, in turn, to go and look at a pear tree that was a great distance away.

The first son went in the winter, the second in the spring, the third in summer and the fourth son in the fall.

When they had all gone and come back, he called them together to describe what they had seen.

The first son said that the tree was ugly, bent and twisted.

The second son said, no, that it was covered with green buds and full of promise.

The third son disagreed; he said it was laden with blossoms that smelled so sweet and looked so beautiful. It was the most graceful thing he had ever seen.

The last son disagreed with all of them. He said it was ripe and drooping with fruit - full of life and fulfillment.

The man then explained to his sons that they were all right, because they had each seen but only one season in the tree's life.

He told them that you cannot judge a tree, or a person by only one season, and that the essence of who they are and the pleasure, joy, and love that comes from that life can only be measured at the end, when all the seasons are up.

Suicide

2 Dost Suicide karne gaye,

Pahala : "Hey Bhagwan muje dunia ki saari nafrat de Pareshani de Dukh de!"
Dusra dost : "Abe tu maut maang raha hai ki Reliance mai Job?".
..................................................

Hi Smarty Pass this advice to all girls:

Do not play with street dogs,
You may get rabies.

And Do not play with smart boys,
You may get babies... ;-)
..................................................

Come here, take of ur pants & knickerz, get on the top of me.
Enjoy until u get statisfied..

Lovingly urs-----, "

I------ TOILET".
..................................................

How do u recognize a SARDAR in school ?

They are the ones who erase their notebooks
When the teacher erases the blackboard !!
..................................................

God as Computer Programmer

Some Important Theological Questions are Answered if we think of God as a Computer Programmer.

**********

Q: Does God control everything that happens in my life?

A: He could, if he used the debugger, but it's tedious to step through all those variables.

**********

Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?

A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier revs.

**********

Q: Does God know everything?

A: He likes to think so, but he is often amazed to find out what goes

On in the overnite job.

**********

Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?

A: If an critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically and

He logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise things can

Wait until tomorrow.

**********

Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?

A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and candy

Bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his girlfriend

Had left him.

**********

Q: How come the Age of Miracles Ended?

A: That was the development phase of the project, now we are in the

Maintenance phase.

**********

Q: Will there be another Universe after the Big Bang?

A: A lot of people are drawing things on the white board, but

Personally, God doubts that it will ever be implemented.

**********

Q: Who is Satan?

A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than he

Actually possesses, so people who aren't programmers are scared of

Him. God thinks of him as irritating but irrelevant.

**********

Q: What is the role of sinners?

A: Sinners are the people who find new an imaginative ways to mess up

The system when God has made it idiot-proof.

**********

Q: Where will I go after I die?

A: Onto a DAT tape.

**********

Q: Will I be reincarnated?

A: Not unless there is a special need to recreate you. And searching

Those .tar files is a major hassle, so if there is a request for you,

God will just say that the tape has been lost.

**********

Q: Am I unique and special in the universe?

A: There are over 10,000 major university and corporate sites running

Exact duplicates of you in the present release version.

**********

Q: What is the purpose of the universe?

A: God created it because he values elegance and simplicity, but then

The users and managers demanded he tack all this senseless stuff onto

It and now everything is more complicated and expensive than ever.

**********

Q: If I pray to God, will he listen?

A: You can waste his time telling him what to do, or you can just get

Off his back and let him program.

**********

Q: What is the one true religion?

A: All systems have their advantages and disadvantages, so just pick

The one that best suits your needs and don't let anyone put you down.

**********

Q: How can I protect myself from evil?

A: Change your password every month and don't make it a name, a common

Word, or a date like your birthday.

**********

Q: Some people claim they hear the voice of God. Is this true?

A: They are much more likely to receive email.

**********

Q: Some people say God is Love.

A: That is not a question. Please restate your query in the form of a Question.

Abort, Retry, Fail?

**********

The brick

About ten years ago, a young and very successful executive named Josh was traveling down a Chicago neighborhood street.

He was going a bit too fast in his sleek, black, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE, which was only two months old.

He was watching for kids darting out from between parked cars and slowed down when he thought he saw something.

As his car passed, no child darted out, but a brick sailed out and - WHUMP! - it smashed Into the Jag's shiny black side door! SCREECH..!!!! Brakes slammed! Gears ground into reverse, and tires madly spun the Jaguar back to the spot from where the brick had been thrown.

Josh jumped out of the car, grabbed the kid and pushed him up against a parked car. He shouted at the kid, "What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing?!" Building up a head of steam, he went on. "That's my new Jag, that brick you threw is gonna cost you a lot of money. Why did you throw it?"

"Please, mister, please. . . I'm sorry! I didn't know what else to do!" Pleaded the youngster. "I threw the brick because no one else would stop!"

Tears were dripping down the boy's chin as he pointed around the parked car.

"It's my brother, mister," he said. "He rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can't lift him up." Sobbing, the boy asked the executive, "Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He's hurt and he's too heavy for me."

Moved beyond words, the young executive tried desperately to swallow the rapidly swelling lump in his throat. Straining, he lifted the young man back into the wheelchair and took out his handkerchief and wiped the scrapes and cuts, checking to see that everything was going to be OK.

He then watched the younger brother push him down the sidewalk toward their home.

It was a long walk back to the sleek, black, shining, 12 cylinder Jaguar XKE -a long and slow walk. Josh never did fix the side door of his Jaguar.

He kept the dent to remind him not to go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at him to get his attention. . .

Some bricks are softer than others. Feel for the bricks of life coming at to you. For all the negative things we have to say to ourselves, God has positive answers.

1 FRIEND like you

FRIEND1 to FRIENDS2: 1 SEED can create a forest
1 SMILE can start a relationship
1 TOUCH can show love-n-care and
1 FRIEND like you can ruin a life.
.........................................

FRIEND1 to FRIENDS2:
Butterflies don't know what colour their wings are.
But human eyes know how beautiful it is.
Likewise you don't know your quality
But I know ki tu kitna kamina hai re....
.........................................

Kaash Tere Chehre Pe
Chickenpox Ke Daag Hote
Chand To Tum Ho Hi
Sitare Bhi Saath Hote
.........................................

MOSAM SHABAB KA,
NASHA SHARAB KA,
PARDA JANAB KA,
AUR RANG GULAB KA,
IN SAB SE HASEEN,
IN SAB SE LAJAWAB
DEKHO SMS PADNE WALA..
MENDAK TALAAB KA.
.........................................

One liners - Definations

1. Cigarette: A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end and a fool at the other.

**********

2. Love Affairs: Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a 5 day test match.

**********

3. Marriage: It's an agreement in which the man loses his bachelor's degree and the woman gains her master's.

**********

4. Divorce: Future tense of marriage.

**********

5. Lecture: An art of transferring information from the notes of the lecturer to the notes of students without passing through "the minds of either".

**********

6. Conference: The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

**********

7. Compromise: The art of dividing a cake in? Such a way that everybody believes, she got the biggest piece.

**********

8. Tears: The hydraulic force by which the masculine will-power is defeated by feminine water-power.

**********

9. Dictionary: A place where divorce comes before marriage and success before work.

**********

10. Conference Room: A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everyone disagrees later on.

**********

11. Ecstasy: A feeling when you feel you are going to feel a feeling you have never felt before.

**********

12. Classic: A book which people praise but do not read.

**********

13. Smile: A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

**********

14. Office: A place where you can relax from the strenuous home life.

**********

15. Yawn: The only time some married men get to open their mouth.

**********

16. Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

**********

17. Committee: Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

**********

18. Experience: The name men give to their mistakes.

**********

19. Atom Bomb: An invention to end all inventions.

**********

Interesting equation

Human = eat + sleep + work + enjoy

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Human = Pigs + work + enjoy

If, Human - enjoy = Pigs + work

In other words,

Human that don't know enjoy = pigs that work

**************

Men = eat + sleep + earn money

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Men = Pigs + earn money

If Men - earn money = Pigs

In other words,

Men that don't earn money = Pigs

**************

Women = eat + sleep + spend

Pigs = eat + sleep

Hence, Women = Pigs + spend

If, Women - spend = Pigs

In other words,

Women that don't spend = Pigs

**************

Summary:

Men earn money not to let women become pigs!

Women spend not to let men become pigs!

Men + Women = 2 Pigs

Wish all the pigs happy forever.

**************

Aap gairon ki batein karte ho

Aap gairon ki batein karte ho,
Humne apno ko aazmaya hai,
Log kanto se bachke chalte hain,
Humne phoolon se jhakam khaya hai.
.................................

Dard ki had se guzarna to abhi baqi hai
Tut ke mera bikharna to abhi baqi hai,

Pas akar mera dukhdard batanewale
Mujhse katra ke guzarna to abhi baqi hai.
.................................

Zindagi sabko milay zaroori to nahi,
Mohabat sabko milay zaroori to nahi.
Kuch log bahut yaad aate hain,
Woh bhi hume yaad kare zarori to nahi.
.................................

Kisne meri kabar par aake diya jala diya
Bijli kadak ke gir padi sara chaman jala diya
Chain se so raha tha main odhe kafan majar par
Yahan bhi satane aa gaye, kisne pata bata diya
.................................

The Result of Intiative

Some years ago, three brothers left the farm to work in the city. They were all hired by the same company at the same pay. Three years later, Jim was being paid $500 a month, Frank was receiving $1,000, but George was now making $1,500.

Their father decided to visit the employer. He listened to the confused father and said, "I will let the boys explain for themselves."

Jim was summoned to the supervisor's office and was told, "Jim, I understand the Far East Importers has just brought in a large transport plane loaded with Japanese import goods. Will you please go over to the airport and get a cargo inventory?"

Three minutes later, Jim returned to the office. "The cargo was one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," Jim reported. "I got the information over the telephone from a member of the crew."

When Jim left, Frank, the $1,000 a month brother, was called. "Frank," said the supervisor, "I wish you'd go out to the airport and get an inventory of the cargo plane which was just brought in by Far East Importers."

An hour later, Frank was back in the office with a list showing that the plane carried 1,000 bolts of Japanese silk, 500 transistor radios, and 1,000 hand painted bamboo trays. George, the $1,500 a month brother, was given identical instructions. Working hours were over when he finally returned.

"The transport plane carried one thousand bolts of Japanese silk," he began. "It was on sale at sixty dollars a bolt, so I took a two-day option on the whole lot.

I have wired a designer in New York offering the silk at seventy-five dollars a bolt. I expect to have the order tomorrow. I also found five hundred transistor radios, which I sold over the telephone at a profit of $2.30 each.

There were a thousand bamboo trays, but they were of poor quality, so I didn't try to do anything with them."

When George left the office, the employer smiled. "You probably noticed," he said, "that Jim doesn't do what he's told, Frank does only what he'd told, but George does without being told."

*********

The future is full of promise for one who shows initiative.

*********

Jaago Aashiq Jaago

Kabhi yeh mat socho k tumhari GF ne tumhe
Kitna romentic msg bhejaa hai.
Hamesha yeh socho k use kisne bheja hoga?
Jaago Aashiq Jaago
..........................................

Jekwa n Jilwa gaye upar hilwa, paani bhari ka vaste.
Jekwa gir gawa, uka khopdi phutt gawa n Jilwa aawat ludkan pura raste.
..........................................

A BOY on DATE With GIRL in BMW.
Jaan, Maine tumse ek baat chupayi hai. I'm already married.
Girl: oh, Tumne to dara diya, Main Samjhi BMW tumhari Nahi hai
..........................................

Judge- is sardar ke dono kan kaat do.
Sardar- nahin mai andha ho jaunga.
Judge- kan katne se andha kaise hoga?
Sardar- chashma kya tere baap ke kan p bethaunga
..........................................

How True

Law of queue: If you change queues, the one you have left will start to move faster than the one you are in now.

Law of the Telephone: When you dial a wrong number, you never get an engaged tone.

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch.

Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner.

Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the next morning you will have a flat tire.

Bath THEOREM: When the body is immersed in water, the telephone rings.

LAW OF ENCOUNTERS: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with.

LAW of the RESULT: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will!

LAW OF BIOMECHANICS: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.

THEATRE RULE: People with the seats at the furthest from the aisle arrive last.

LAW OF COFFEE: As soon as you sit down for a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold.