Nice conversation

This is a conversation that took place between (Y) and a marketing guy(X)

X: Which shaving cream do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which aftershave do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which deodorant do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which toothpaste do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which shampoo do you use?

Y: Baba's

X: Which socks do you use?

Y: Baba's

X (Frustrated): Okay, tell me, what is this Baba? Is it an international company???

..

..

Y: No, He is my roommate

Cheers to all the bachelors of the world!!!!

Married people (or soon-to-get-married) can observe 2 minutes of silence to mourn the loss of this privilege.

Dunia

Sabhi ko sabh kuch nahi milta,
Nadi ki har lehar ko sahil nahi milta,

Yeh dil walon ki dunia hai dost,
Kisi se dil nahi milta to koi dil se nahi milta
.....................................

Tanhai bhari zindagi ka safar mila;
Na saathi, na humsafar mila.

Hum diya jalta chhod gaye the unke liye;
Jab vapis lote to jalta hua ghar mila.
.....................................

Teri berukhi ko bhi rutba diya humne.
Pyar ka har farz ada kiya humne.

Mat soch ke hum bhool gaye hain tujhe;
Aaj bhi khuda se pehle tujhe yaad kiya humne.
.....................................

Woh nadiyan nahi aansu they mere,
Jinpar woh kashti chalate rahe.

Manzil mile unhein yeh chahat thi meri,
Isliye hum aansu bahate rahe.
.....................................

DICTIONARY FOR MEN/WOMEN

What MEN / WOMEN Says and What their actual Meanings.


WOMEN'S WORDS

1. Yes = No

2. No = Yes

3. Maybe = No

4. We need = I want

5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry

6. We need to talk = you're in trouble

7. Fine, go ahead = you better not

8. Do what you want = you will pay for this later

9. I am not upset = of course I am upset, you idiot!

10. You're very attentive tonight = is sex all you ever think about?

*********


MEN'S WORDS

1. I am hungry = I am hungry

2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy

3. I am tired = I am tired

4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage!

5. I love you = let's have sex now

6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex?

7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you

8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you

9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you

10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you

*********

A Nice Story about Love

A Nice Article about Love
-by Swami Vivekananda

I once had a friend who grew to be very close to me.

Once when we were sitting at the edge of a swimming pool, she filled the palm of her hand with some water and held it before me, and said this: "You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love."

This was how I saw it: As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers round it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.

This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love...they try to posses it, they demand, they expect... And just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve from you .

For love is meant to be free, you cannot change its nature. If there are people you love, allow them to be free beings.

Give and don't expect.
Advise, but don't order.
Ask, but never demand.

It might sound simple, but it is a lesson that may take a lifetime to truly practice. It is the secret to true love. To truly practice it, you must sincerely feel no expectations from those who you love, and yet an unconditional caring."

Passing thought... Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take; but by the moments that take our breath away.....

Life is beautiful!!! Live it !!!

Test By Puncture

A Santa meets Banta in a hospital and expresses surprise, "What are you here for?"

Banta says, "I am here for blood test and these idiots are going to puncture my finger."

Santa started crying, "Oh my God, I am here for urine test and I am too young yet, what will happened to me?"
..........................................

Attending a wedding for the first time,
A little girl whispered to her mother,
"Why is the bride dressed in white?"

"Because white is the color of happiness and today is the happiest day of her life."
Her mother tried to explain, keeping it simple.
The child thought about this for a moment,then said,
" So, why is the groom wearing black?"
..........................................

Boy to girl: Hey you and I want to play magic?
Girl to Boy: And yes how is it that?

Boy to Girl: Come to my place, you and I have sex and than you disappear!
Girl to Boy: Ya, You go to your place, sex yourself and I disappear now,

Jackass!
..........................................

~%~ wow ~%~

Wow !


Last spring I was walking in a park. A short distance ahead of me was a mom and her three-year-old daughter. The little girl was holding on to a string that was attached to a helium balloon.

All of a sudden, a sharp gust of wind took the balloon from the little girl. I braced myself for some screaming and crying.

But, no! As the little girl turned to watch her balloon go skyward, she gleefully shouted out, Wow!

I didn't realize it at that moment, but that little girl taught me something.

Later that day, I received a phone call from a person with news of an unexpected problem. I felt like responding with Oh no, what should we do But remembering that little girl, I found myself saying, Wow, that's interesting! How can I help you

One thing's for sure - life's always going to keep us off balance with its unexpected problems. That's a given. What's not preordained is our response. We can choose to be frustrated or fascinated.

No matter what the situation, a fascinated Wow! will always beat a frustrated Oh, no.

So the next time you experience one of life's unexpected gusts, remember that little girl and make it a Wow! experience. The Wow! response always works.

Logo ko aksar kehte suna

Logo ko aksar kehte suna:
"Zinda rahe toh phir milenge".

Magar aap se mil ke Is dil ne mehsoos kiya hai ki,
"Aapse milte rahe toh Zinda Rahenge".
..........................................................

Tumhe dil main basaye rakhta hoon
Aur duniya ko bhoolaye rakhta hoon
Tumhe meri nazar na lag jaye
Iss liye nazarein jukaye rakhta hoon
..........................................................

Tere husn ko shabdon mein kaid kar raha hoon
Jo rahe nakaam woh koshish kar raha hoon,
Amber pe hain lakhon tare chamakte
Ek ko is zameen par chamkane ki koshish kar raha hoon
..........................................................

Khamosh Raat Ki Pehlu Mein Sitare Naa Hote,
In Rookhi Aankhon mein Rangeen Najare Naa Hote,
Hum Bhi na Karte Parwah
Agar aap Itne Pyare na hote……
..........................................................

Humor - funny Compilation

The Fish and the Turtle

Once upon a time there was a fish. And just because it was a fish, it had lived all its life in the water and knew nothing whatever about anything else but water. And one day as it swam about in the lake where all its days had been spent, it happened to meet a turtle of its acquaintance who had just come back from a little excursion on the land.

"Good day, Mr. Turtle!" said the fish. "I have not seen you for a long time. Where have you been?"
"Oh", said the turtle, "I have just been for a trip on dry land."

"On dry land!" exclaimed the fish.
"What do you mean by on dry land? There is no dry land. I had never seen such a thing. Dry land is nothing."
"Well," said the turtle good-naturedly. "If you want to think so, of course you may; there is no one who can hinder you. But that's where I've been, all the same."

"Oh, come," said the fish. "Try to talk sense. Just tell me now what is this land of yours like? Is it all wet?"
"No, it is not wet," said the turtle. "Is it nice and fresh and cool?" asked the fish.
"No, it is not nice and fresh and cool," the trutle replied.
"Is it clear so that light can come through it?"
"No, it is not clear. Light cannot come through it."
"Is it soft and yielding, so that I can move my fins about in it and push my nose through it?"
"No, it is not soft and yielding. You could not swim in it."
"Does it move or flow in streams?"
"No, it neither moves nor flows in streams."
"Does it ever rise up into waves then, with white foams in them?" asked the fish, impatient at this string of Noes.
"No!" replied the turtle, truthfully. "It never rises up into waves that I have seen."

"There now," exclaimed the fish triumphantly. "Didn't I tell you that this land of yours was just nothing? I have just asked, and you have answered me that it is neither wet nor cool, not clear nor soft and that it does not flow in streams nor rise up into waves. And if it isn't a single one of these things what else is it but nothing? Don't tell me."

"Well, well", said the turtle, "If you are determined to think that dry land is nothing, I suppose you must just go on thinking so. But any one who knows what is water and what is land would say you were just a silly fish, for you think that anything you have never known is nothing just because you have never known it."

And with that the turtle turned away and, leaving the fish behind in its little pond of water, set out on another excursion over the dry land that was nothing.

Tarkeeb

Duniya jise neend kehti hai,
Jaane woh kya cheez hoti hai....

Aankhe to hum bhi band karte hain,
Par woh unse milne ki tarkeeb hoti hai...
..............................................

Mehfil na hoti, nazare na hote,
Yun chand ke pehlu mein sitare na hote.

Hum isliye karte hai apki parvah
Kyonki dil ke karib sare nahi hote..!
..............................................

Tum mujhe bhul na paoge,
Is kadar hum tumhe yaad aayenge...

Yakeen na aaye to aaine me dekhna,
Teri aankhon me hum nazar aayenge....
..............................................

Tapat Sooraj mein hoti hain
Tadapna sabko padta hain
Kasoor aankhon ka hota hai
Tadapna dil ko padta hai
..............................................

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE "LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS"

REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY September 30,2007

NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS,

CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM.

******

Class 1

How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays.

Step by Step, with Slide Presentation.

Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

******

Class 2

The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself?

Round Table Discussion.

Meets 2 weeks, Saturday 12:00 p.m. For 2 hours.

******

Class 3

Is It Possible To Urinate Using The Technique Of Lifting The Seat and Avoiding The Floor, Walls and Nearby Bathtub?

Group Practice.

Meets 4 weeks, Saturday 10:00 PM for 2 hours.

******

Class 4

Fundamental Differences Between The Laundry Hamper and The Floor.

Pictures and Explanatory Graphics.

Meets Saturdays at 2:00 PM for 3 weeks.

******

Class 5

After Dinner Dishes --- Can They Levitate and Fly Into The Kitchen Sink?

Examples on Video.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM

******

Class 6

Loss Of Identity --- Losing The Remote To Your Significant Other.

Help Line Support and Support Groups.

Meets 4 Weeks, Friday and Sunday 7:00 PM

******

Class 7

Learning How To Find Things --- Starting With Looking In The Right Places and Not Turning The House Upside Down While Screaming.

Open Forum.

Monday at 8:00 PM, 2 hours.

******

Class 8

Health Watch --- Bringing Her Flowers Is Not Harmful To Your Health.

Graphics and Audio Tapes.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

******

Class 9

Real Men Ask For Directions When Lost.

Real Life Testimonials.

Tuesdays at 6:00 P.M. - Location to be determined.

******

Class 10

Is It Genetically Impossible To Sit Quietly While She Parallel Parks?

Driving Simulations.

4 weeks, Saturdays at noon, 2 hours.

******

Class 11

Learning to Live --- Basic Differences Between Mother and Wife.

Online Classes and role-playing .

Tuesdays at 7:00 PM, location to be determined.

******

Class 12

How to be the Ideal Shopping Companion:

Relaxation Exercises, Meditation and Breathing Techniques.

Meets 4 weeks, Tuesday and Thursday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM.

******

Class 13

How to Fight Cerebral Atrophy --- Remembering Birthdays, Anniversaries, Other Important Dates and Calling When You're Going To Be Late.

Cerebral Shock Therapy Sessions and Full Lobotomies Offered.

Three nights; Monday, Wednesday, Friday at 7:00 PM for 2 hours.

******

Class 14

The Stove/Oven --- What It Is and How It Is Used.

Live Demonstration.

Tuesdays at 6:00 PM, location to be determined.

******

Upon completion of any of the above courses, diplomas will be issued to the survivors!

******

Microsoft Word Metadata Scrubber

Metadata in Word documents can reveal information that the creator of the document had no intention to distribute. This ranges from information about the author to comments and a unique identifying ID. It can lead to all kind of privacy leaks. Microsoft even recommends to distribute documents in paper form only on their website.

Doc Scrubber is a Microsoft Word metadata scrubber which can be used to analyze and scrub Word documents. The software program is compatible with Windows 98, ME, NT, 2000 or Windows XP. It has been designed with simplicity in mind. It basically is managed by the two buttons Analyze and Scrub.

Analyze lets the user analyze one specific Word document to see if and which information it reveals in the metadata. The Scrub button is where the real action takes place. It can be used to scrub a single document, all Word documents in a folder or selected documents of folder.

By default a new document will be created after the scrubbing with the metadata removed which is another option that can be changed in the program's settings. The user is given the choice to remove only the metadata that he selects.

A total of 13 different settings can be removed from the selected Word documents including subject, keywords, comments and several dates including creation and last saved data. Three of those 13 options can reset data back to their default values. This includes setting the template back to normal.dot, the revision count to 1 and the total editing time to 0.

Facts under lined

Whenever I find the key to success, someone changes the lock.

*********

To Err is human, to forgive is not a COMPANY policy.

*********

The road to success??.. Is always under construction.

*********

Alcohol doesn't solve any problems, but if you think again, neither does Milk.

*********

In order to get a Loan, you first need to prove that you don't need it.

*********

All the desirable things in life are either illegal, expensive or fattening.

*********

Since Light travels faster than Sound, people appear brighter before you hear them speak.

*********

Everyone has a scheme of getting rich.. Which never works.

*********

If at first you don't succeed.. Destroy all evidence that you ever tried.

*********

You can never determine which side of the bread to butter. If it falls down, it will always land on the buttered side.

*********

Anything dropped on the floor will roll over to the most inaccessible corner.

*********

42.7% of all statisticsare made on the spot.

*********

If you have paper, you don't have a pen??. If you have a pen, you don't have paper?? If you have both, no one calls.

*********

If you have bunked the class, the professor has taken attendance.

*********

You will pick up maximum wrong numbers when on roaming.

*********

After a long wait for bus no.20, two 20 number buses will always pull in together and the bus which you get in will be crowded than the other.

*********

The last person to be fired or quit is responsible for all the errors until another person is fired or quits.

*********

Irrespective of the direction of the wind, the smoke from the cigarette will always tend to go to the non-smoker

*********

Mujhe kisi ne

Mujhe kisi ne bewafa ka naam diya,
Saathi ne jaise zeher ka jaam diya,

Jo kabhi kaha karte they, bhula mat dena,
Unhone hi bhool jaane ka paigaam de diya....
................................................

Mohabbat kar ke dekhi to,
Mohabbat ko pehchana hai,

Wafa bas naam ki hai,
Bewafaai ka fasana hai....
................................................

Kaash banane waaley ne dil sheeshey ka banaya hota,
To todne waaley ke haath mein zakham to aaya hota...
................................................

Bheeg jati hain palke tanhai me,
Darte hain koi jan na le,

Tabhi to ham chalte hain barish me,
Taki rote hue hame koi pahechan na le
................................................

Aap itraate bahut ho

Aap itraate bahut ho dil ko behlate bahut ho,
Sochte hai apko Dinner per le jaye,
Par kya kare hamara iraada badal jaata hai,
Kyunki aap khate bahut ho...!!
............................................

Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
Apki 'smile' ne saara jahan hila diya,
COMA se jaage huye mareez ko permanently sula diya.
............................................

Ladka apni dilruba se pooch raha hai
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Kya pyaar karna paap hai?
Ladke ka dost uske kaan mein bolta hai
"Abbey patli gali pakad peeche uska baap hai"
............................................

Santa to doctor : Dr: when i sleep monkeys play football in my dream..
Dr:no problem just take this medicine before sleep.
Santa: kal se loonga aaj raat ko final hai.
............................................

LOVE & LIFE

This story tells us something about LOVE & LIFE.

My husband is S/W Engineer by profession, I love him for his steady nature and I love the warm feeling when I lean against his broad shoulders.

Two years of courtship and now, five years into marriage, I would have to admit, that I am getting tired of it. The reasons of me loving him before, has now transformed into the cause of all my restlessness.

I am a sentimental woman and extremely sensitive when it comes to a relationship and my feelings. I yearn for the romantic moments, like a little girl yearning for candy. My husband is my complete opposite; his lack of sensitivity, and the inability of bringing romantic moments into our marriage has disheartened me about LOVE.

One day, I finally decided to tell him my decision, that I wanted a divorce.

"Why?" he asked, shocked.

"I am tired. There are no reasons for everything in the world!" I answered.

He kept silent the whole night, seemingly in deep thought. My feeling of disappointment only increased. Here was a man who was not able to even express his predicament, so what else could I expect from him?

And finally he asked me: "What can I do to change your mind?"

Somebody said it right... It's hard to change a person's personality, and I guess, I have started losing faith in him.

Looking deep into his eyes I slowly answered: "Here is the question. If you can answer and convince my heart, I will change my mind.

Let's say, I want a flower located on the face of a mountain cliff, and we both are sure that picking the flower will cause your death. Will you do it for me?"

He said: "I will give you your answer tomorrow...." My hopes just sank by listening to his response.

I woke up the next morning to find him gone, and saw a piece of paper with his scratchy handwriting underneath a milk glass, on the dining table near the front door, that goes....

My dear, "I would not pick that flower for you, but....please allow me to explain the reasons further.....

This first line was already breaking my heart. I continued reading.

"When you use the computer you always mess up the Software programs, and you cry in front of the screen. I have to save my fingers so that I can help to restore the programs.

You always leave the house keys behind, thus I have to save my legs to rush home to open the door for you.

You love traveling but always lose your way in a new city. I have to save my eyes to show you the way.

You always have the cramps whenever your "good friend" approaches every month. I have to save my palms so that I can calm the cramps in your tummy.

You like to stay indoors, and I worry that you will be infected by infantile autism. I have to save my mouth to tell you jokes and stories to cure your boredom.

You always stare at the computer, and that will do nothing good for your eyes. I have to save my eyes so that when we grow old, I can help to clip your nails and help to remove those annoying white hairs. So I can also hold your hand while strolling down the beach, as you enjoy the sunshine and the beautiful sand...and tell you the colour of flowers, just like the colour of the glow on your young face...

Thus, my dear, unless I am sure that there is someone who loves you more than I do... I could not pick that flower yet, and die ... "

My tears fell on the letter, and blurred the ink of his handwriting... And as I continue on reading... "Now, that you have finished reading my answer, and if you are satisfied, please open the front door for I am standing outside bringing your favorite bread and fresh milk...

I rushed to pull open the door, and saw his anxious face, clutching tightly with his hands, the milk bottle and loaf of bread....Now I am very sure that no one will ever love me as much as he does, and I have decided to leave the flower alone...

That's LIFE, and LOVE. When one is surrounded by love, the feeling of excitement fades away, and one tends to ignore the true love that lies in between the peace and dullness.

Love shows up in all forms; even in very small and cheeky forms. It has never been a model. It could be the dullest and most boring form ...

Flowers, and romantic moments are only used and appear on the surface of the relationship. Under all this, the pillar of true love stands... AND THAT'S LIFE