Top 10 Most Stupid Questions ( HUMOR )

Top 10 most stupid questions people usually ask in obvious situations :

1.) At the movies:

When you meet acquaintances/ friends.. .....

Stupid Question :- Hey, what are you doing here?

Answer :- Don't u know, I sell tickets in black over here..

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2.) In the bus:

A heavy lady wearing pointed high-heeled shoes steps on your feet...

Stupid Question :- Sorry, did that hurt?

Answer :- No, not at all, I'm on local anesthesia.. ...why don't you try again.

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3.) At a funeral:

One of the teary-eyed people ask...

Stupid Question :- Why, why him, of all people.

Answer :- Why? Would it rather have been you?

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4.) At a restaurant:

When you ask the waiter

Stupid Question :- Is the "Butter Paneer Masala" good??

Answer :- No, its terrible and made of adulterated cement. We occassionaly also spit in it.

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5.) At a family get-together:

When some distant aunt meets you after years

Stupid Question :- Munna,Chickoo, you've become so big.

Answer :- Well you haven't particularly shrunk yourself.

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6.) When a friend announces her wedding, and you ask...

Stupid Question :- Is the guy you're marrying good?

Answer:- No,he's a miserable wife-beating ,insensitive lout...it's just the money.

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7.) When you get woken up at midnight by a phone call...

Stupid Question :- Sorry. Were you sleeping?

Answer :- No. I was doing research on whether the Zulu tribes in Africa marry or

Not. You thought I was sleeping.... You dumb witted moron.

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8.) When you see a friend/colleague with evidently shorter hair...

Stupid Question :- Hey have you had a haircut?

Answer :- No, its autumn and I'm shedding.... ..

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9.) At the dentist when he's sticking pointed objects in your mouth...

Stupid Question :- Tell me if it hurts?

Answer :- No it wont. It will just bleed.

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10.) You are smoking a cigarette and a cute woman in your office asks...

Stupid Question :- Oh, so you smoke.

Answer :- Gosh, it's a miracle ...........it was a piece of chalk and now it's in flames!!!

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Hanging Baskets ( 18+ JOKE )

A teenage granddaughter comes downstairs for her date with this see-through blouse on and no bra.

Her grandmother just pitched a fit, telling her not to dare go out like that!

The teenager tells her, "Loosen up Grams. These are modern times. You gotta let your rose buds show!" and out she goes.

The next day the teenager comes down stairs, and the grandmother is sitting there with no top on. The teenager wants to die. She explains to her grandmother that she has friends coming over and that it is just not appropriate....

The grandmother says, "Loosen up, Sweetie. If you can show off your rose buds, then I can display my hanging baskets."

PUZZLERS

[1] IF YOU HAVE SEX WITH A PROSTITUTE AGAINST HER WILL, IS IT CONSIDERED RAPE OR SHOPLIFTING?

[2] CAN YOU CRY UNDER WATER?

[3] HOW IMPORTANT DOES A PERSON HAVE TO BE BEFORE THEY ARE CONSIDERED ASSASSINATED INSTEAD OF JUST MURDERED?

[4] WHY DO YOU HAVE TO "PUT YOUR TWO CENTS IN"... BUT IT'S ONLY A "PENNY FOR YOUR THOUGHTS"? WHERE'S THAT EXTRA PENNY GOING TO?

[5] ONCE YOU'RE IN HEAVEN, DO YOU GET STUCK WEARING THE CLOTHES YOU WERE BURIED IN FOR ETERNITY?

[6] WHY DOES A ROUND PIZZA COME IN A SQUARE BOX?

[7] WHAT DISEASE DID CURED HAM ACTUALLY HAVE?

[8] HOW IS IT THAT WE PUT MAN ON THE MOON BEFORE WE FIGURED OUT IT WOULD BE A GOOD IDEA TO PUT WHEELS ON LUGGAGE?

[9] WHY IS IT THAT PEOPLE SAY THEY "SLEPT LIKE A BABY" WHEN BABIES WAKE UP LIKE EVERY TWO HOURS?

[10] IF A DEAF PERSON HAS TO GO TO COURT, IS IT STILL CALLED A HEARING?

[11] WHY ARE YOU IN A MOVIE, BUT YOU'RE ON TV?

[12] WHY DO PEOPLE PAY TO GO UP TALL BUILDINGS AND THEN PUT MONEY IN BINOCULARS TO LOOK AT THINGS ON THE GROUND?

[13] WHY DO DOCTORS LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU CHANGE? THEY'RE GOING TO SEE YOU NAKED ANYWAY.

[14] WHY IS "BRA" SINGULAR AND "PANTIES" PLURAL?

[15] WHY DO TOASTERS ALWAYS HAVE A SETTING THAT BURNS THE TOAST TO A HORRIBLE CRISP, WHICH NO DECENT HUMAN BEING WOULD EAT?

[16] IF JIMMY CRACKS CORN AND NO ONE CARES, WHY IS THERE A STUPID SONG ABOUT HIM?

[17] CAN A HEARSE CARRYING A CORPSE DRIVE IN THE CARPOOL LANE ?

[18] IF THE PROFESSOR ON GILLIGAN'S ISLAND CAN MAKE A RADIO OUT OF A COCONUT, WHY CAN'T HE FIX A HOLE IN A BOAT?

[19] WHY DOES GOOFY STAND ERECT WHILE PLUTO REMAINS ON ALL FOURS? THEY'RE BOTH DOGS!

[20] IF WILE E. COYOTE HAD ENOUGH MONEY TO BUY ALL THAT ACME CRAP, WHY DIDN'T HE JUST BUY DINNER?

[21] IF CORN OIL IS MADE FROM CORN, AND VEGETABLE OIL IS MADE FROM VEGETABLES, WHAT IS BABY OIL MADE FROM?

[22] IF ELECTRICITY COMES FROM ELECTRONS, DOES MORALITY COME FROM MORONS?

[23] DO THE ALPHABET SONG AND TWINKLE, TWINKLE LITTLE STAR HAVE THE SAME TUNE?

[24] WHY DID YOU JUST TRY SINGING THE TWO SONGS ABOVE?

[25] WHY DO THEY CALL IT AN ASTEROID WHEN IT'S OUTSIDE THE HEMISPHERE, BUT CALL IT A HEMORRHOID WHEN IT'S IN YOUR BUTT?

[26] DID YOU EVER NOTICE THAT WHEN YOU BLOW IN A DOG'S FACE, HE GETS MAD AT YOU, BUT WHEN YOU TAKE HIM FOR A CAR RIDE, HE STICKS HIS HEAD OUT THE WINDOW?

Show your friends

Show your friends how much you care...
Send this to everyone you consider a FRIEND.
If it comes back to you, then you'll know you
Have a circle of friends.
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Friends, you and me...
You brought another friend...
And then there were 3...
We started our group...
Our circle of friends...
And like that circle...
There is no beginning or end...
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A coin is easy to earn, a friend is hard to find.
The coin depreciates but a friend appreciates.
I lost a coin when I smsed u, but it's okay because I got u.
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A friend is sweet when it is new.
And it is sweeter when it is true.
But you know what?

It is sweetest when it is u.
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aao aaj is sharab ko

sharab sharir ko khatam karti hai
sharab samaj ko khatam karti hai
aao aaj is sharab ko khatam karte hai
ek botal tum khatam karo ek hum khatam karte hai.
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Dil mein ek dard liye jiye ja raha hoon,
Teri mohabbat ka jaam piye ja rahan hoon,

Na chahte huye bhi ye kaam kiye jaa raha hoon,
Na jane khud ko kaun si manzil par liye ja raha hoon.
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Doodh Mein Uria, Mineral Water Mein Castic Soda,

Pepsi Aur Coke Mein Pesticide, Yani Pani Wani Bhi Kharab,

Ab Hum Kya Kare, Pure Bachi Bhi Hai To Sirf Yeh Sharab..
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Botal Chupa dena kafan mein meri
Shamshan mein piya karunga

Jab mangega hisab khuda ;
To use bhi peg bana kar diya karunga...
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Smile a while - Have fun

"YOU love someone
YOU marry someone else.
The one you marry becomes your wife or husband.
And the one you loved becomes the password of your mail id"

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There's only one perfect child in the world & every mother has it.
There's only one perfect wife in the world & every neighbor has it.

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Three dreams of a man:

To be as handsome as his mother thinks.
To be as rich as his child believes.
To have as many women as his wife suspects...

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Husband & wife are like liver and kidney. Husband is liver & wife Kidney.
If liver fails, kidney fails. If kidney fails, liver manages with other kidney.

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Generation Next Motto Na hum shaadi karenge, na apne bachchon ko Karne denge.:

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What's the difference between Dava & Daru?
Dava is like girlfriend, that comes with expiry date and
Daru is like wife, Jitni purani hogi utni sir Chad ke bolegi.

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Brain ka opreation

Doctor patient k peche bhag raha tha.
Ek admi ne pocha kya hua?
Doctor: 4 baar aisa he hua hai sala brain ka opreation karwane aata hai aur baal katwa k chala jata hai.
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Ek sardar roz apne kitchen main jata, sugar box kholta aur band kar deta,
Why?
Because Dr. Ne jo kaha tha k apni sugar roz check karna.
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Sardar: yar kal main bathroom gaya to wahan sher tha,
2nd sardar: hain phir tum ne kya kiya?
1st: kuch nahi main ne sher se kaha aap kar lo meri to nikal gai hai.
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Pathan girl friend ko ghar le gaya,
Sab darwaze khirkiyan band kardin,
Parde gira diye light off kar k us k pass aya aur kaha : dekho humara watch main light jalta hai.
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The donkey

The pastor entered his donkey in a race and it won.

The pastor was so pleased with the donkey that he entered in another race and it won again.

The local paper read: PASTOR'S ASS OUT FRONT.

The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the pastor not to enter the donkey in any more races.

The next day the local paper headline read: BISHOP SCRATCHES THE PASTOR'S ASS.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the pastor to get rid of the donkey. The pastor decided to give it to a nun in a nearby convent.

The local paper, hearing of the news, posted the following headline: NUN HAS THE BEST ASS IN TOWN .

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the nun that she would have to get rid of the donkey so she sold it to a farmer for $10.

The next day the headlines read: NUN SELLS ASS FOR $10.

This was too much for the Bishop, so he ordered the nun to buy back the donkey and lead it to the high plains where it could run free.

The next day the headlines read : NUN ANNOUNCES HER ASS IS WILD AND FREE.

Alas... The Bishop was buried the next day.

MORAL OF THE STORY???

Being concerned about public opinion can bring you much grief and misery and even shorten your life. So, be yourself and enjoy life. Stop worrying about everyone else's ass and you'll live longer.

Msg na karke dil tod diya

Msg na karke dil tod diya mera,
Ab mobile dafna dena,
Kafan na mile to apna rumal udha dena,
Koi puchhe rog kya tha,
To nazre jhuka k apni Kanjusi bata dena.
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JAB BHI KANJUSI mein OSCAR KA NOMINATION AAYEGA,
TERA NAAM BHI USME ZARUR AAYEGA,
AGAR YE PADKAR BHI TUNE REPLY NAHI KIYA,
TO PEHLA PRIZE BHI TUZE MIL JAAYEGA.
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Tharo SMS jab jab aavay hai
Maro rom rom machal jawe hai
Ang ang mein gud gudi howe hai
Tharo SMS ka nahee kasoor
Maro mobile vibration pe howe he.
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Dhokha mila jab pyar mein
Zindagi mein udaasi cha gai
Socha tha chod denge is raah ko par….
Kambhakhat…..
Aaj mohalle mein dusari aa gai
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Khushbu ki tarah aapke

Khushbu ki tarah aapke paas bikhar jaunga,
Sukun bankar dil mein utar jaunga,

Mehsus karneki koshish kijiye,
dur hokar bhi paas nazar aounga.
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Raat ki khamoshi raas nahi aati
Meri parchayi bhi ab mere paas nahi aati

Kuch aati hai toh bas teri yaad
jo aakar ek pal bhi mujhse door nahi jaati..
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Log har manzil ko mushkil samajhte hai,
ham har mushkil ko manzil samajhte hai.

Bada fark hai log aur hamare nazarie me,
log dil ko dard aur ham dard ko dil samajhte hai..
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Chirago se andhere door ho jate,
toh chand ki chahat hamme na hoti,

agar kat sakti akeli ye jindagi,
to apki jaroorat hamme na hoti..
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